Masochist?

So I am thinking about applying to a doctoral level educational program to either go into straight administration or special education research and administration.

Part of it is because I never feel like I actually know enough and part of it is pure ego and selfishness. I think I'm stuck where I am. I have applied to move out of special ed and especially out of co-teaching for three years and for three years I've had great interview experiences and then not been offered a job. I'm beginning to think that my current level of education and experience make me too expensive to hire. If I were applying for administrative positions, I'm still expensive, but not so much more than anyone else applying for the job.

If I had a doctoral degree, I could do anything from run the whole organization to assist. Or I could keep my current position. (They'd have to offer me a raise with additional education, but they can't fire me for going out and getting smarter).

I'd also have an opportunity to examine the systems in place and try to make them better, at least while I was working on research projects. To be able to go into these poor, rural communities with high levels of children labeled at disabled and see how the needs of these families can be better served, how these kids can be better served, is exciting to me. A lot of work has been done in urban areas with all service schools that were made the center of the entire community, offering three meals, medical checkups, serving as clothing and pantries; the results were very exciting. I'd like to investigate if similar results would happen in a rural setting.

I'd like to work on making things better for co-teaching. Right now it blows. Veteran gen ed teachers can completely block the coteacher's ability to accomplish much in "their" classroom. If I were in high level administration, I couldn't force anyone to do anything, but I could do a better job of making sure that the troops on the ground knew what was expected, that they were being watched, what legal requirements must be met when serving disabled and disadvantaged students.

I could go into straight research. More needs to be done with secondary education of students with mild disabilities. Realistic transition services need to be more emphasized and there needs to be significant time and funding applied to making sure this population is ready for the "real world". Too many aren't. Too many end up drawing a government check for life.

There are huge down sides too. Like the money it would take. I'm already $100,000 in debt to student loans. Its such a crazy high number I don't even look at it. I'm a little exhausted of my current program, which I will finish this fall (YAY!) But I think part of that exhaustion is the fact that the program was poorly designed with three complete practicums that are identical in tasks required, just different ages of kids involved. Since I started, the university has redesigned it. They won't let me change to the new program, if they would, I'd be finished.

I'm thinking long term here. Finish this fall with the elementary level practicum. Talk with my direct supervisor, who is the sweetest man, about my thoughts and see what he thinks. Spend the next year, maybe two, seeking out opportunities to be a leader in my current position and polishing up my resume and networking with my local administrators. If I still want to go for this in a year, or two, I will. If I don't, then I will have made buddies with the admins, who tend to intimidate me. (I should probably get over that, huh?)