I was saying

how nuts he drives me, and then he is good all day. 

Anyhow, we had a tiny bit of snow and had to go out in it. I don't know why, I know they will end up cold and crying and want to come back in, but we go out in it anyway.

The little guys weren't sure about it, but Isaiah was a tropper and helped his mom get the car cleared off. I haven't gotten snow removal stuff yet, which is silly as tomorrow is the first of December, but we just don't get deep cold this time of year here.

Anyhow, I have work to do, and if I would stay off of the internet, I would get it done in time to get to bed early. I am at a point where I can't decide if I want to stay off work for another month, or go right back. I need to find a way to be less exhausted and overwhelmed all the time. Ah well, that's what new year's resolutions are for. That and remembering that I do not like Turkey.

My Son is Trying to Drive Me Insane

I know, I rile and rale against the commercialism that has run rampant in what should be a holy holiday. 

That being said, I REALLY want to get the gifts I buy right. I don't buy for anyone but my kids. Brothers, Dad, Step family, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, I only buy presents for the kids. 

So, Isaiah has a long list of things he wants. He wants a robo dino that he saw on TV, apparently it has artificial intelligence and can be set to guard something. He wants a music player, he wants a game system, he wants his own TV and he wants lots of movies (anything made by marvel and then a whole lot more). 

I want him to be creative and intelligent and intuitive, but I don't think buying him "weird" presents is the way to go about instiling that. These days he has grown such a mouth. He is constantly  correcting and getting onto everyone around him. Even his friends. I don't like it. 

Anyway, first he thought he wanted an Ipod, so I ordered an Ipod, (it came in the mail, tiny, but cool looking and yes I opened the damn thing, thinking that it would be nice it it were up and running and loaded with stuff he woudl like on christmas), Then he said he wanted a dual screen or a psp (or ps2), so I looked into those. 

He already has a gamecube and I pretty much refuse to buy what we basically already own, so that rules out a ps2, and a wii has gotten too expesive to consider, we would have to buy a new TV to go with it and I refuse to buy a flatscreen until I can get one of a decent screen size fro less then three hundred dollars. 

So I am fairly certain it is going to be a psp, I can get a system with a game I think he would like and a memory stick for about $200 on amazon. Sounds like a lot, and it is, but really, five dollar cars a such just don't do it for him, and I would rather spend some money and get something he likes and will  use, then to be cheap and have what I did buy him end up tossed into a corner of his room and ignored. 

SO, what to do with the Ipod? I don't need it, I can use my phone fro music (which I do, keep thinking I ought to post my playlists and then never do) and videos (which I don't, no need). Mike offered to buy it off me, for $100, That is a $30 loss, but it beats a $130 loss in a product I have no use for sitting around the house. And he would have to come here to load it and probably buy an outlet charger for the thing, I doubt there is a computer where he crashes. So I figure it is a piece of decent barganing. And I told him I would let him have it when he paid me for it. 

So according to the hype, the new generation psps can play games, store data for the games, photos, music, they can store movie files and a person can jsut buy special movie disks for the system. It can be played while it charges and the charge is supposed to have a decent half life. 

Sounds like something he would enjoy, but when I talk to him about what he wants, he is very defencive and negative about getting something like that. I really feel like the sweet boy I know is slipping away somehow. I don't know if it is his age, or the ADD, or the fact that his parents haven't given him the sort of life that little boys should have (two parents, a mom who likes to clean and cook, a dad who doesn't lie and a big house with a big yard and a floppy-eared dog), or what it is, but he is just either trying to argue every single thing, what he eats, what he wears, how he talks to people, he wants everything done FOR HIM NOW and will hound a bitch and bicker and produce tears and sobs if he feels like he isn't getting what he thinks he diserves. 

I don't know what to do with him. He won't participate in anything they've offered at school. He doesn't want to be on a swim team or a basketball team at the Y. I have tried church, but the ones here in town are either so super conservative that I don't feel comfortable going (being a single mom who is just fine with staying that way a while), or are so loose that the kids are basically allowed to goof the whole time, what's the point if they aren't ever required to behav at though they were at church. Add to that the fact that my schedual throughout the week is so busy, I dropped it. 

So anyway, christmas is driving me nuts. The little guys, I dunno. Gideon is probably going to get a little bike with training wheels and Noah, who knows, that baby is so mellow and he has so many hand me downs to play with that i question the point in buying him more stuff. But I can't not get him stuff. He will probably end up with a range of toys. Cars, trucks. not that we don't already have plenty of those. 

Oh well. I have work to do for school next week. and I have a crap load to do for my classes, which are close to ending. And I still need to secure daycare for next semester. GOd, i hope all this falls together for me. 

Did I mention

That I got one of those mystery cards again early this week? It had forty dollars in it too. This is getting strange. no one has decided to get stalkery on me, have they?

what else. Been off work all week and I am bord. The kids are stir crazy, and Isaiah has refused to eat left over turkey all day. He finally caved and ate a huge piece right before bed. I guess his being hungry finally won out over his refusal of all things leftover. I must be a mean person. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Whew, one major holiday down, one big one to go. So, made turkey, and all the rest and now have enough leftovers for three weeks. Maybe not three weeks, but I don't plan on cooking again until sunday. 

Mike was going to come over, but didn't becuase he's sick. I think he is probably really sick, he usually doesn't turn down a meal. And he sounded terrible on the phone. I had also invited a frined of Isaiah's and his mother, they are suadi and weren't planning on anything and it seemed like they ought to have been invitited. BUt they didn't show either, which I am actually glad. I HATE havign people in my house lately. I don't know if its a territorial thing or an "I don't want my mess seen" thing. Which is silly because it isn't very messy. 

anyhow, dinner was great. The weather is unseasonably warm and the kids spent most of the day outside, until some kids who were visiting started bullying and Isaiah brought the little guys in. I was all set to be indignant on my son's behalf over the mean kids, when I heard Isaiah being just as mean to a friend of his. That kis has a mouth on him that is getting to the place where he either alienates people or they want to beat him up. Not sure what to do about it. 

I want him to be nice and be liked and be respectful. I try to teach him how to be kind and thoughtful and sweet. And he in turn, yells his head off at people who don't do things the way he thinks they ought. He was screaming at his friend over leaving a bike in the yard while they were all playing together. I asked him about it and he said that he was mad because I told him that he couldn't take a bunch of toys outside. Is that normal, to go off on a friend after being told no by the mom. 

Anyway, his ipod came in and now he wants a psp. I would rather he be more creative and less trendy, but I guess maybe that is why kids treat him like he's weird. 

Another off day

So, have you even known anyone who was always sticking their foot in their mouth, or who was very easy to embarass? Well, I'm that person to the tenth power. So, this morning I was down in the copy room, running some copies and checking my school mail.

I had my memory stick with me, I use it to move files from home to school where I print them off in the computer lab or library. I have a computer in my classroom, but the operating system is so old it can't talk to the memory stick and they don't even make a patch that allows it. 

Well, me being a spaz, the memory stick falls off the printer, bounces off my foot, and slides way under the printer. Now, there was another teacher in the room, who was quite amused at this. And I needed to memory stick back, SO I said to her "watch and see if anyone is coming". And I got on the floor and nearly had to lay down to reach the stick. And while I am on the floor, in a rather, no not rather, definitly undignified, position, who walks around the corner? My boss.

That's right. And I get up as fast as I can. and I blush, and he's been laughing at that all day. "Hey, wanna change my oil while you are at it?" Guess I shouldn't tell them that I could if I wanted to. But that is me. I am the one who gets caught being ungraceful. All the time. 

Another thing, I have decided that I really don't like that song "Angel". I don't know why, but the whole thing anoys me. 

Goofy Thanksgiving Pics

Did the thanksgiving thing today, it was nice. Not a good turnout, seems like lately that had been the case. I came with my kids, but neither of my brothers or their children came. My cousin opal came, with her husband and three kids, but niether her brother or sister came. Although Nick's son was there. 

My cousin autemn came with her husband and baby, but amber was with her husband's dying gramma. Aaron came but not until the meal was over because he's trying to cut weight for wrestling. The kid is huge, 300 lbs, but I guess there aren't weight classes for such a heavey kid, don't know why he needs to wrestle, he already does football. 

My aunt shelly, her husband and a few random kids that were either fosters or just kids they took in were there. My uncle chick and his partner were there. Also Chuck's kids, Emma (who is preggo - issues there, due in feb but the daddy hasn't told his parents yet. She's a senior in high school and plans on raising her baby - I guess I'm a role model- not sure if that's a good thing or not.) 

My other aunt, july, was there with her boyfriend, I want to call him John, or David, can't remember. They brought their dogs with them. I don't understand why people who travel so much feel the need to 1) travel with pets and 2) have pets if they are never home. 

Autumn is preggo too, she is married, but the inlaws aren't happy I guess. 

Anyhow, it was nice, took lots of pictures. My mom has been dead for almost seven years, so they feel like its okay to remember that she was crazy now. She was still my mom, and as crazy as she was, her kids didn't really turn out any worse then the "sane peoples'" kids, so whatever. No news on weather or not there will be a christmas get together. Peggy has decided she doesn't like to host anymore so there was talk of getting together in branson, at a hotel or condo, but I can't afford to rent a place at a resort for that, not if we are all also doing the grandlake thing this summer. 

This is what sucks, half the family is, if not rich, then well off. They can rent a three bedroom condo for a long weekend. I can't, and I really don't want to have to bum off someone else to participate. If I go down with the kids, I want our own space and to be able to set our own routine. 

Anyway, I'm gonna post some holiday pictures for you.

Okay, blogger is pissing me off, go look it up on photobucket

http://s230.photobucket.com/albums/ee172/alycegawlas/

 

YAY! Friday!

So, we went on a field trip today. The juniors and seniors were in a personality seminar. (I call it fluffy science). I had no real interest in sitting in on it, it was the same one that the teachers had to so before school started, so I had heard it all before anyhow. 

So, the underclasses, freshmen and sophmores, went on a field trip. It was cold, the bus was cramped and the field trip seemed to consist of sitting in an auditorium for hours and hours. It was something to do with artists and something to do with indian culture. It was actually very intersting with drumming (LOUD in an enclosed space like that ) and dancing. There were also some story tellings and a walking tour of some murals there in Neosho. (our school ended up not going on this, they wanted us to eat and walk at the same time, but it was COLD and the first stop was a library, we were just not willing to take those kids into a library with food). Anyhow, the kids were good, the topic was more intersting then I've made it sound, and it was mostly an easy day. The other teacher who went was stressed the whole time. But I just kept telling her to roll with it. 

A coach also came to supervise. Several of the girls have told me they are uncomfortable around him. I did notice that he situated himself so that he was sitting next to what I would pick as the vulnerable ones throughout the day. (You know, the little girl who is physically smaller and quiet and has odviously low self esteem). I just don't know what to do with the information. I;m new there, and honestly will probably not work there long. I graduate in the summer and then I can probably get a job that pays twice what I get now. 

This guy, in the mean time, has been there for a while, the staff and parents like him and he has a long career of successfully coaching kids behind him. Still, something about the way he likes to tease people. Something about the way he made sure he was near that particular freshman girl most of the day. Something about the way I don't like to be in proximity with him either. 

Maybe it's my own background getting in the way. But what if it isn't. What the hell am i supposed to do with this? 

Still waiting

For the other shoe to drop. Or at least a shoe. I wander if it isn't the approaching holidays or something. 

I a going on a field trip with half the school tomarrow. I hope it isn't freeze there, its supposed to get very cold in the next couple of days, and there are very quiet rumblings about maybe an ice storm. This area has had five major ice storms in the past three years. I really don't know what we would do. I can't afford to drive to springfield or tusla and stay in a hotel until the power comes back on (like a lot of people did last winter when the ice took out all the power lines), and I don't know how to rough it in the cold with three little kids. I could do it for a few days if it were warm out. Open the windows, drink a lot of water, barbeque. But what do you do when it's 20 degrees out. 

How do you cook when the stove is electric and using a grill inside can cause a fatal buildup of carbon monoxide. (gaseous by-product of burning charcoal and other petroleum based fuels, bonds irreversably with the hemoglobin in red blood cells and causes death by anoxia). 

And how do you keep little kids warm when it is cold inside and outside and they don't understand that they need to stay dressed in warm clothes and under covers as much as possible? This truly scares me!

anyhow, there is a definite bite in the air, and the farmers are harvesting the soybeans, which they don't do until the begining of winter for some reason. 

So, I think I may have been talked into participating in a group writing project online. Not sure how I feel about that. I tend to get possessive of my ideas. I gues si fnothing else it will be a chance to write and get some feedback and give and take with some other writers. Probably won't come to much but it might be fun. 

I'm Living in The Twilight Zone

no, not the semi-pornographic vampire romance novels, the old school twilight zone. Then one where everything is just a few degrees off of normal. this whole week has been strange. It isn't that I am in a rotten mood, its just that nothing feels right. 

I was supposed to have class last night, it was out last meeting of the semester. I was supposed to find out when my next observation was and turn in a project (which I think I bombed). But we didn't have class becuse a bomb threat had been called into the building. (I know, who calls a bomb threat into a building where they teach teachers?) Luckily it turned out to be a prank, but they had to have bomb sniffing dogs come in from wichita to search the building and several people who had been early to class hd to leave their stuff in the classroom. (I was running just  a tad late and arrived after teh fire alarms had been pulled). 

So, then today all the juniors were gone. They were on a field trip to see hamlet in kansas city. So, half my classes were a wash, and then the rest of the school went to a classical music concert the last two hours of the day. I've written more kids up in the past week then in the whole year before that. Either I have been taking bitchy pills, or the kids are worse ahed of the holiday. 

Ugh, I don't know. Maybe I am jsut too busy and overwhelmed. I need a mental health day. But I don't think it is going to happen tommarow, and I volunteered to help supervise a field trip friday, so maybe I'll just take a hot shower and go to bed early. 

New things, old things

So, I have been playing around with trying to loose weight. It is one of those things that I have always known I needed to do. I have always been a soft bodied person, even as a little kid. But I always have put it off, I was a teenager, didn't want to worry about weight. I was pregnant and a single mom and a college student, I would get into shape when Isaiah was bigger and I wasn't as stressed with college, then I had two more kids in rahter quick succession and the result being me fatter and fatter and not doing much about it.

Well, I went to the Y tonight. I know, I can use the student center for free, but it is full of excessively in shape and fit college kids and I really don't want to look at that while I slog along on an eliptical or a treadmeal. So, anyway, the Y also has in house babysitting which is nice, cause Mike won't come over to babysit so i can go work out.

Any how, I did a thirty minute walking program on a machine and then spent a while doing some upper body work in the "women's" room, special room just for women, its supposed to be less intimidating. I am not sure about that, but the machines are neat so its a start. If we can make this work I'm going to sign up for either yoga or cardio in january when the new classes start.

the other interesting thing is that I had a confrontational call from a parent today. It wasn't fun, the guy is a surgon and tells whoever he talks to about it in the first few minutes of the conversation. He is upset that his child isn't makeing the grade he thinks the child should. But I stood my ground, didn't let him bully me over the phone, invited him to come in or to schedual another call and informed him that the descion he had a problem with had been made in concert with the principal. And when he kept draggin the conversation back around to the topic, I got off the phone.

And I reall really hope that the whole thing doesn't blow up. And I hate people who feel the need to qualify their bitchiness. "I am a surgon so I must know better then you bla bla bla."

Sorry, the kid doesn't come in for extra help. The kid is so busy with extracurriculars that the kid can't focus on school, and on top of that probably isn't all that fond of science. This isn't my problem, I know not everyone likes science the way I do, but the fact that the kid blows off my homework for "fun" stuff, and seems to think it is cute to play at being stupid, so the grade isn't great. So do not argue with me about how fair my class is, not when there are a godo number of kids making As and even more making Bs.

On my path

I don't know how to title this. I went and go tmy kids and found out that the asshat had kept them in the car all day, going from place to place for short visits but mostly keeping the kids cooped up in the car. Isaiah usually loves hanging out with his dad and had nothing nice to say about the vist. 

I was talking to my aunt earlier today. she is hosting thanksgiving this year and I wanted details about what to bring and when to come. turns out I am bringn green bean cassarole and I need to show up on sunday. 

She is worried about Grampa, he has odviously had early altzeimer's for a few years and he is getting bad, for lack of an better term. He gets weepy at unpredicatble times, can also be known to say ugly things if something gets his goat. He is getting physically weaker and (his girlfriend?) wanda says that he spends his days watching the stock market. He has always been a very robust person, a farmer and bussiness owner who was a work a holic and always up to something, he isn't anymore.

It makes me sad, but right now it is distant. He and my mother didn't get along well and so my grandparents were not a huge presense in my childhood. No one came to my highschool graduation but my dad. I think i may have gotten a card for graduating college. IT was a matter of, show up at the family get togethers and we'll be nice to ya, but don't expect us to go out of the way. 

And then my aunt gets to talking about her NA friends (If you don't know yet, my parents and most of my relitives of that generation were all druggies) and how the kids (he son and a daughter, my brothers) have all gone that way and are so stupid about it. And how they blame everyone else for how bad their lives are (My brother Tom especially thinks its someone else's fault he's such a looser). And then she throws in what a miracle my life is. 

I don't know how I feel about that. That by all odds and statistics I should be a drug-using, alcoholic, do nothing idiot like the yahoos she meets at the meetings. Should I feel priuder of myself? Or relieved? I don't know. I know that my life for the most part is lonlier then the lives of my brothers and cousins. I know that I have trouble standing in a room and feeling like I fit there. 

I think that is because, I haven't found a room full of people I fit in. I'm an alien. And what really scares me is that I may be raising aliens. Unable to really relate to anyone, and too shy to try.

Makes me Sad

So, the asshat showed up on time to get Isaih and NOah. Gideon was upset he couldn't go, and pretty sad without his brother today. He asked me if he coudl go to his daddy's house, when I Said no, he wanted to go to walmart to get a daddy.

It sounds silly, but he is unhappy and lonely and doesn't have a daddy, even a shitty one like the asshat. And its my fault and it makes me sad every time this happens.

Other then that, lets see. Tried to submitt some papers to an online class and keep getting an error message. I think angel can't talk to my computer for some reason, which is distressing to say the least.

I haven't gotten any grading or planning done yet, but I am so behind in the academic sense that I have to change my focus a bit, besides the next week and a half are going to be a complete waste anyway.

Reminds me, I need to call my aunt and find out about thanksgiving next weekend.

cold

So, it is finally cold. I know, I've said it before, but I think we are finally past the warmups. Its jsut cold. And today it was cold a sunny, which I think is cheating, because it looks nice out, but then you go out, or take the kids out, and it is chilly and windy and rather miserable. 

It was a bit intersting today. I guess I have to back up. Gideon's daycare lady found bugs in his hair friday. (Yeah gross and a pain in the ass) so anyway, there weren't very many, and none in noah, but the kid still needs treated. So, last night I try and he just WILL NOT cooperate. I've been down this road before, it sucks and the buggers and damn hard to get rid of when they get established. So, I just shaved his head. Used the clippers and took it all off. HE didn't like it much more then getting nit picked, but with out hair to lay eggs on, they can't live. 

So anyhow, he runs off when I'm done, still cute, but bald. Looks like a little buddist monk kid to tell the truth. Anyway, he trotts off the play. And then a little while later I hear from the other room "Hey, where my hair?!" he comes running out of the room and tells me I need to put in back on his head. I hated to tell him it wouldn't go on. 

He got over it, but today we were outside I worried about his head getting cold. He won't keep a hat on.

Lets see, did I tell you I was tutoring there saudi ladies? Well, I had one girl show up with a book that she had been assigned to summerize and critique, basically a grown up book report. She wanted me to read it for her and tell her the important points. I declined. Too many irons in the fire already, and besides, that goes way beyond helping, that's just me doing the work for her. ButI do feel bad for her. Pitt apparently has a very lenient requirement for english literacy in international students (and the international program brings in a but load of cash to the college) so they admit these people who don't have the english skills they need, and them dump them into classes where the proffesors don't care weather or not the students can read and write english. 

what else, O yeah, the asshat himself is picking up Isaiah and Noah tomarrow. He has some sort of family thing in fort scott, so it wasn't too inconvient for him to get his sons. Asshat asshat. anyway, he was kind enough to inform me that for future visits, vinital Ok is about half way. I guess the part about HIM being the one who moved to Tulsa didn't occur to him. Did I say he was an asshat yet?

Both Funny and Stupid

So, I get a little silly with the video camera portion of the camera, I took these the other morning. And for the reacord, I don't think I usually wound like that, must have been a morning thing. 

The above is actually the kids goofing before bed, but I clicked on the wrong file and I can't figure out how to delete it without canceling the whole post.

Here is the morning cuteness.

Why is it

That I always feel like I am playing catch-up? What is wrong with me that I can't get things into a simple routine and stay on it? I dunno. I don't think its the fact that I have kids. Lots of people have kids and work and take care of a home without feeling tired and frazzled and absolutly worn out. At least I think they do.

I saw another maroon suburban today. It cut across a busy lane of traffic and nearly got clobbered. 

I had another one of those strange conversations the other day that ahs stuck with me. 

I occasionally (more then I should) order food to be delivered rather then cook. One of our favorites is to order chinese food. The guys that brought it last time seemed facinated by the kids (who all crowded at the door as soon as they heard a knock). One says "WOW, you have a lot of kids." I say, "Only the three" (this is a little tongue in cheek, I admit). And then he says, "Well, we are only allowed one in china."

I don't know what bothers me about the incident. Was he jealous of someone being able to have that man kids? Maybe they were making fun of me, here alone with these rotten boys. I dunno, but it was odd.

Its gotten cold and rainy here. It will be that way until next spring. I pray that we have on of those winters were things are wet but not frozen much. Snow and ice are not friends of a commuter. 

uhg, I am begining to regret this tutoring thing. These ladies seem to not want to come over until late in the evening, and one is due here at seven or seven thirty. I am too tired to be of much help, but she still owes me some money and I don't want to tell her no and not ever get paid. But I am so tired and they show up with nothing but a few notes about what is expected in the assignment. And i have a job and kids and classes to deal with myself. Maybe I can call her and just tell her I am sick tonight. And then tell them that I wont do it unless it is a weekend. I mean, this lady showed up saturday with NOTHING and a six to nine page paper on employee benefits due TUESDAY. isn't that crazy? Am I crazy. 

anyway, I think I'll go call her before she heads over. 

I called, I lied through my teeth. I said I had a pukey kid. I feel evil. And relieved.

an abundunce of maroon suburbans

I'm telling you, they are everywhere. I have seen at least half a dozen different ones around just last night and this morning. And normally They aren't around. I noticed the first one cause the church van back in Neodesha was that color. I haven't seen one like it all summer and fall living in pittsburg, and BOOM, a bunch. Its weird. Or I am paranoid and noticing odd things.

Isaiah is already thinking about what he wants to get people for christmas. Which would be really cool, except that he wants to get them things HE wants. He wants to get either Bee movie or kungfu panda, for his grampa. Or a pocket watch. I dunno why they sell so many pocketwatches at walmart, no grown man I have ever met liked to carry one. But the little boys, they love them, buy them for dads and grampas, and the cycle goes around and around. 

So I am kinda stuck, cause I told him I would give him fifty dollars to buy the people he wanted to presents, his brothers, his grampa, and his dad. I know it isn't a lot of money to streatch that far, but I think it is a lesson on budgeting and thinking about what would be best for the person. But I am afraid he is going to buy them all things he wants. So, do I let him pick what to buy and just have him stay in burget, or do I get controlling about this? I already told him he can't get a pocket watch or a kid movie for his grampa, and that what he gets his brothers has to be age appropriat. 

I have had intersting conversations all week. It is amazing the casual, latent racism that has surface around me. I had a kid tell me, "now black people are going to be on the front page everyday" And why is that a problem? (this is from a kid whose adopted and doesen't know his racial background, other then that he is rather dark). I friend that I im with most evenings told me what he thought was a hilarious joke. (grape soda, koolaid and fried chicken will now be tax exempt). When I told him I didn't think it was funny, he blocked me. No great loss I guess. 

It is finally cold here. We've had such a nice mild autumn that I am spoiled. It was supposed to be fifty and sunny today. I'm looking outside, it ain't sunny and it ain't fifty. We were supposed to go to an outdoors birthday party this afternoon, the kid of honor is sick, so the mom canceled, I am so glad, cause its COLD out there. 

that's about all I have for the moment. I might have more to gripe about later. Or I might just find something more productive to do with myself. 

An rough day

So, it wasn't that rough, but it feels like it ought to be thursday night, not wednesday night.

It has been an intersting week and a bunch of crap has happened in my orbit that bigs me, so I'm gonna dump it all here.

first, I am SICK AND FREAKING TIRED of all these wasted days. Yesterday was election day noone was doing anything but watching the returns, even though there are none befre school lets out. TOday, was a bllod drive, I have kids out to donate, out to help, and out being all faint. Plus, our football team made regionals, so all teh football kids were out at eleven and anyone who wanted to drive to the game (on the other side of the state) was free to go after two, or when a parent checked them out. I literally had six kids in fifth hour, four kids in sixth hour and three in seventh hour. What the hell am I supposed to do, teach a fraking lesson that most of the class will have to make up another time?

And tomarrow, a bunch of kids will be gone for some sort of mass media show case, next week there will be abunch of drama (not a class we offer) kids gone for some sort of workshop and the week after that there is a day where teh ENTIRE JUNIOR CLASS will be gone ALL DAY.

What the hell? This doesn't even make any sense. School is for oh, I don't know, SCHOOL. It isn't a petty justification for seeing how many extracurriculars one can squeeze into the calender.

Okay, so here's another thing that kinda bugged me. The football guys, they last the other night, which is why they have to go across the state instead of playing a home game. They probably will not be back until three or four in the morning. they were trying to tell us that they get a half day off thursday to make up for the loss of sleep. Well that didn't go over. but the comment made by our administrator was "I'm not going to reward them for loosing." NOt, "If you ar ein sports you need to be able to handle it, but I am not rewarding them for loosing.

I HATE that. This isn't how sportsmanship works. YOu don't get a reward for doing well, other then job well done and a patch fro your letterman's jacket. The whole idea that somehow kids wh participate in sports and do well ought to get some sort of special treatment that other students don't get is absurd and frightening comeing from the principal's mouth.

What else, oh, the causual, odviouslyh learned racism that has been coming out of these kids' mouths is astounding. I'm sorry, but the fact that he's black does not make him the end of the world. Joking about how long it will be before someone assassinates him is offensive. Calling him unamerican and islamic is not funny.

and the fact is, that these kids were taught this attitude. Just like they were taught that we shouldn't care that more and more people in this country cannot read english and the just thing to do is to make legal papers, signs and directiond available in spanish. This is supposed to be a parochial school, social justice is supposed to be something that matters to the religious bunch. but apparently not. I had a kid tell me that Ted Nigent was her hero. I'm sorry, that guy is as scary a radical and any I've ever seen, and people eat his crap up. That guy would stand by someone on fire and tell them they should have planned better and then watch them burn.

So, I am having one of those weeks when I need to keep my mouth shut and my head down. I need to just do my job as best I can and not be bothered by all this mess. Because the truth of the matter is that they have at most eight years to mess it up and that the system we have in place makes rapid, unilateral changes impossible. The sky will not fall, and the country as we know it will not end.

sooprize sooprize

That's right, it aint a real surprise, The great and wonderful shane himself will be unable to come get his children as promised next weekend. He just can't get time off work. He has apparently been working solidly all summer and fall and he just can't manage to find the time to see his kids.

Now, he must not be being paid, because I haven't been getting childsupport all summer and fall. So, he must be a slave. Hmm, maybe he sold himself into slavery and doesn't want to admit it. Could that be it? Modern day slavery?

I doubt it. I think he is just an asshole extrordinair who is too egotistical to just stay away and too cowardly and selfish to be a real presecne in his kids' lives.

what sucks is that gideon asked if he could see a daddy today. The kid barely talks, but he knows that he ought to have a dad.

I wonder if this stuff ever stops being so lonely. If every step doesn't look like a dangerous one. If every choice won't be so hard.

enough of the whiny introspection. I made thirty bucks today, tutoring saudis. another one owes me sixty. Ya me. It isn't a lot, but hey, It wasn't like it was miserable work. I get to sit at my own kitchen table and talk with nice women and they get help with their written english and I get a little exposure to a culture most americans don't get a chance to experience. I figure that alone is worth the effort.

the kids made things a little difficult, but for being tottally sugared up from halloween, and hyper from being stuck inside while mom did this, they weren't bad.

I have a unique halloween candy policy, and that is to let them chow down until its gone. i don't keep cany in the house and I don't let them eat sweets like this very often, but it seems like getting it eaten and gone is easier then weeks of fighting with them about how many pieces to have, before or after dinner. Before or after the teeth were brushed, don't take it to school, don't get it stuck in the carpet or your hair or clothes or my hair or clothes. Its already gone. And the kids didn't self destruct.

anyhow, not much to report. Mike isn't talking to me, but he's apparently hasseling dad for cash, cause then hear from dad. I don't know what to do. Its not like I'm rich. And he is the one who lost his job, quit another and lied to the landlord about having a job weeks befor he had one, so the way I see it, this shoudl be a lesson learned.

anyhow, I have a long week ahead of me. I am bad about updating this as often as I used to, mostly due to exhaustion. But I'll be around.

We all have a sugar hangover

So, am I the only person who wakes up the day after halloween to find that the kids are cranky, I'm sluggish and there are little bits of paper and plastic all over the floor?

Maybe not. I suppose that somewhere there is a gracefull, flawlessly groomed woman who rises from her bed at dawn with minty fresh breath and makes a stack of pancakes before her cheerfull and cooperative children wake up. The family sings joyful day after halloween songs and eats a healthy, low-carb breakfast before the candy is even mentioned. The angelic children each eat a piece and then agree to donate the rest to needy third world children who need it more then they do. They family spends the rest of the day doing something that involves being very tidy and very helpful.

That isn't us. I sleep in until nine on saturday. The kids wrnagle their own breakfast that usually consists of cold cereal with milk on the side. TOday it was halloween candy, hold the milk. they squabble and holler and gripe at eachother. All the way from the house to the grocery store back to the house.

anyway, the problem of the day is my brother. He was supposed to be out of his apartment friday. Now he is supposedly meeting today with the landlord. Mike says if he can get forty bicks, he can stay in the apartment. I really don't have it at this point in the month, and Dad doesn't either.

But dad is the one who called me and was all like "meetmike and the landlord and give htem this money"

Oaky, earlier this week i shlepped that kid all over town to buy him a pair of work boots. I don't have that much cash onhand, and I think that the landlord is trying to force mike out of the apartment with out getting a legal eviction. I told dad to tell mike that if he wanted to stay, not to leave until a sherriff told him to, or to just move in with his friend nancy, which is where he's been spending most of his time any how.

I know, I am the evil bitchy sister who wont help anyone out. Except that I halped him a lot and the story is always changing. that's the part that bugs me, the story chaning all the time.

So anyway, we have more candy then any family ever needs to have on hand and I have been very lazy today.