I am seriously doubting my abilities to do much of anything right now. I had a cruddy day at work to start with . kids not wanting to do what they were asked, tests over due and no end in sight and no give on the part of the general education teachers who administered them. Computer network in the building is crap. In a lab with 24 computers, so many were either not functioning or not connecting to the district servers that I had to take a small group to another building. And then I find out that the system administrator has taked it upon himself to change a student's password because he doesn't like her using the same passwork as a network log-in and an email log-in. Except this student has intellectual disabilities and it was hard enough getting her to memorize one passwor, let alone two. Not to mention how disruptive to learning it is if she can't get to her email to see the assigment that was emailed to her.
Yeah, waste of a class period, that mess.
Then there's the kid who destroys pencils for no reason, who rips and wads and throws papers, who scribbles things in large looping scawls over his page, not because that's all he can do, but because that is all he WILL do. And then, once he has the attention of his comfused classmates (Dude, what is your problem?!) He acts aggressively and plays the victim oc bullying. (yeah buddy, act like a loud jackass and people are going to notice and comment).
So I haul his ass to the office after telling him repeatedly to quit throwing things. And on my way back upstairs I am met by not one, but two administrators with a laundry list of shit I need to fix.
Basically every single thing I've tried to do this year is fucking wrong. My student histories are wrong, my reports are wrong, my goals are wrong, my data collection is wrong. My ammendments are fucking wrong.
I think if I can't make it better, I'm going to be fired. I have a family to support and student loans to pay. Not to mentio car payment, rent, food, clothing . . . . I do it all and I do it mostly without help.
And this supposedly simple thing, I am apparently incompetent at.
So they leave and I get started on my list of shit to fix. And the student I pull up, I can't find anything to fix! The times on the teacher information page and in the text of the document are the same! The designation of resource versus inclusion are the same! The supposed extra text that was in there that needed deleted wasn't there to be found!
What the fuck!
Oh, and then there is the fact that an hourly worker in the office is claiming that nothing I send in is organized! What the MOTHER FUCKING HELL!!!! You can't go through a stack of papers and see oh this is a ten day notice letter? It has to be STACKED IN THE RIGHT FUCKING ORDER!!!!!!
And then there are the mixed Fucking signals. Don't use the state assessment information, do use it. Don't use classroom performance on goals, but do use it! I can't be consistent because what I am told to do isn't.
Oh, and then there's the fact I AM SITTING IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM TAKING MOTHER FUCKING NOTES WHEN I AM A HIGH QUALIFIED FUCKING PROFESSIONAL WITH A MILLION OTHER THINGS I NEED TO BE DOING!
So, anyway, that's done, stay at work until after five (school was dimissed at 2:40). Get the kids, get them fed and they decide to be FUCKING MANIACS! Jesus fucking CHRIST!
Stop destorying everything in sight just becuase I am not in the room watching your mindless shows with you. I HAVE MOTHER FUCKING WORK I have to get done.
Ok, ok. Calming down. This shit has to get better. I take notes, I leave myself notes. I stay late and go in early. I put in hours off the clock trying to help my students do well in school.
Apparently its all FUCKING SHIT!
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