Evil Days

They say that things are not getting worse. That the frequency of these large scale attacks is constant. I want to believe that. I want to think that the growth of media and social networking means that people get the news of these terrible things gets to us faster and stays with us longer.

I'd like to believe it, but I don't really. And I have no solutions. I don't think stopping people who want guns from owning them will stop crazy people from wanting to hurt the innocent. I don't think that arming every civilian will make it less likely that innocent kids are hurt in places that should be safe for them.

I do think that all public rooms in public buildings, including schools, should have multiple entrances and exits. If you can't corner people in a dead end, you can't shoot them like fish in a barrel. Yes, someone could simply wait outside for them, but in most of these cases, it is one guy acting alone. He can't both stalk the halls shooting anyone he finds and wait outside for the people fleeing. Mobile targets are hard to hit.

I think this country seems to think that more weapons will make us safer. I don't think that. I think that if I have weapons in my home, I become a target of theives and people who want them. If I carry them with me in public, I immediatley cause the people around me to be wary of what I might do. By introducing the weapon, and the violent act it threatens, I have turned a peaceful area into an area in which violence is a risk.

I don't think nonlethal weapons are any better. I think that since tasers and pepper spray became common for police officers to use, the police have used weapons on civilians way more often than they had before. These things were supposed to be alternatives to using a gun, instead they are alternatives to engaging with the uncooperative suspect.

I've been under treatment for my arthritis since september. The joints mostly feel lots better. The first medication I was on made my brain feel like mush so I requested it be changed. This new one doesn't seem to have that affect. But my joints are more tender than they were. Is it the new medicine not working as well? Is it stress causing me to experience a flair? I can't answer that.

I do know that I do not want to end up crippled, but that somedays it seems like that is where things are going. I try to stay healthy and active, but it seems like my brain rebels against that and tells me to go eat junk food and not to be active.

I miss my mom. Its Christmas and I am so happy to have Chris with me and the kids, but I miss my mom and I wish my dad cared enough to bother to just come see us. I wish things were just easier sometimes. And then evil shit like this happens and I just feel like there is this black hole of not caring about anything wanting to suck me in. I want to care about things. I don't want to sit still for hours on end and read these news stories that make me cry. But I feel like I just can't help it.