Page Views

So Google has added the option to look at how many page views I get and from where, and it looks like Russia or someone in Russia likes to read my blog.

I don't mind, but it is interesting to me.

Anyway, on to my own self involved ramblings.

Work royally sucks here lately.

They've started these "retraining" programs for writing IEPs. Which I don't mind in theory. The fed and state have changed rules and tightened things up so I understand that part.

I feel like everything I war originally told to do wasn't right somehow. I wish that in 2010, when I was hired, instead of a quick three day tutorial, I had gotten like three weeks, complete with examples from kids who attend my school, or even from my own caseload. I wish that what sort of assessments were acceptable were named and provided.

But that didn't happen and I remember feeling like I was winging it then. But everyone told me I was doing fine, everything was satisfactory  I was supposed to be paired with a mentor, but she didn't know about it until the end of the year, and she spend half the year on maternity leave, and I feel like there wasn't much, "here is what I want it to look like" happening, which is what I honestly needed.

Anyway, no I am "retraining" and I am TRYING to get them rewritten, meet with parents to get consent to change, and get things turned back in. I found out about this on the first week of November. I have all but one rewritten. I have one signed and turned in. I have two more that are with parents and needing to be returned (these people will not come in and meet with me or even answer the phone, they will see my number and then have their kid ask why I called), another one is ready and I am meeting with the parents next week.

The last one is giving me trouble. I feel like the kid is ready to not be on an IEP, he still has some reading difficulties, but IEPs are not for difficulties, they are to make it so that the child has the same access to the curriculum as non disabled children. This child has that.

But his mom doesn't want him dismissed, and we cannot do that without consent. So in September when I wrote the IEP, I asked for help. (admittedly, I was mixed up on another aspect but more on that later). The lady who is in charge of IEP writing training gave me a goal to use, she read it to me word for word over the phone.

Now she says she did not and is being very passive aggressive and rude about me asking for help. On the one hand, I am supposed to be sending emails updating what I am doing, but when I did, there was never any reply or response. So I stopped, and then I get a bitch o gram about not doing anything in a timely manner.

I'm supposed to allow her, my area administrator, and a teacher who has been here for years proof things. Well, the area admin hasn't proofed anything, the training lady takes several days to get back with me, if at all, and the teacher who was supposed to be proofing for me, had no idea she was supposed to be doing that.

And some of it is honestly a problem. I am not great at future planning. I am also not great at tracking down the paperwork if meetings don't go as planned. I have social anxieties that make me want to avoid calling parents. I don't organize well and I think I have attention problems.

But some of it is that I was not clearly trained. Take state assessments. Two years ago we could use them as baselines for writing goals. Then in the middle of last year, State Assessments were off limits. I was told that since the can only be given once in high school, they shouldn't be used to indicate skill level.

Then, this year, they are supposed to be used, BUT, they can't be the baseline, that has to be some sort of official assessment. Of course, there are no high school level skills assessments out there. And of course, the school building has no official set of tests that they use to assess and track progress. That's on us to go find.

There is one called the easycbm that is free and online that I've started using, but its not the greatest, and it only goes to grade 8, so if a kid maxes out on it, I can't say they are at grade level for sure.

Then there's my classes. Things are winding down and coming due. And I have no time or focus to apply to them because its all spent at school. I know it sounds lame, but I feel like I just don't have it in me to do it all. I was supposed to plan next week's lessons at the pre-school, was to meet with the paras friday, but friday I got emailed a shit storm and ended up trying to call the person who emailed me, she wasn't available, my area admin wasn't available. I ended up on the phone with the freaking director, who really isn't in on any of this. He acknowledged that he didn't know what specifically I was emailed, then went on to imply that I was the one being unprofessional in asking for clarification on these things. I ended up crying.

So here it is, Sunday. I'm still mortified for missing the meeting with the preschool ladies. Mortified from the phone call. Feel about two inches tall. I feel like shit is raining down from all sides and all sides are implying that I am just being stupid, incompetent, and lazy.

If a student won't stay after school or work during school, and her parents aren't enforcing it, why should I be staying until five every day to work with her, then be phoning her parents when she doesn't show?

I am all for encouraging kids, being available for the kids and going to the teachers and going to bat for the kids. I am not really willing to say its my fault that she is failing. Its her problem.

After that horrible Friday, I've decided some things.

1) I will continue to do my best to improve my performance, I see it as building skills for the next step.
2) I will no longer neglect my students to serve the paperwork. If they aren't happy with the timeline, they can come do my job for me.
3) I will apply for different positions, hopefully looking to move back to general education teaching.
4) I almost certainly will not work for them next year.
5) I am going to take an incomplete on at least one college class and finish it next semester.
6) I will not be taking a class next semester. That way I will not be liable for the "forgivable loan" to the coop when I choose not to work for them next year.

I want to do my job well. I feel like I am being punished for a structural weakness in the system. If no one is willing to talk about changing the system, then I am not willing to continue treading water in it.