Anyway, we left for Tn friday at noon, which is when school let out. Drove until we got to memphis, stayed in a hotel, and then came the rest of the way saturday. Got in around five in the evening, and the kids were happy to see everyone, and I was a little road dazed, dizzy and spacy from spending so much time driving over two days.
I only forgot to bring sippy cups and pajamas, both of which are easily procured. It cost me sixty dollars in gas and sixty dollars in hotel rent to make the trip. Not bad it I do say so myself.
Its nice to see dad, even if he is a little intense about the "you have to move out of kansas" stuff. He doesn't seem to get the fact that I LIKE working and earning my living. But then, looking around, that misunderstanding would be understandable.
Twyla doesn't like her kids to grow up and move out. The oldest just turned 26, he sleeps most of the day, rarely leaves his bed, and plays video games or on the computer all evenign and night. When dinner is made, they call him to come eat, which he does out of the same bowel which he washes and rinses, and then returns to his perch on the the bed.
To me it looks like a boring and pathetic exsistence. How sad to move through life without a purpose or a care. He has no responisbilities and all his needs are met for him. His mother doesn't want to hear anything about him getting out of the house, getting a job, getting help if he needs it . . .
That's bad enough, but there's another one too. This one is the fourth child, two and three are out of the house, although mom isn't too pleased about it. She graduated high school last spring. But didn't apply to colleges or for financial aid. Isn't looking for a job. She babysits, but only for a lady dad and twyla work with and certainly doesn't come close to earnign her own way in life. She too seems to be content to play on her computer and watch TV all night and sleep most of the day. Personal hygene, never great, is out the window.
So I'm looking at these kids and Dad's wife. And at myself and my brothers and our mom. Twyla is as even tempered at people come most of the time. She goes to work, she comes home, she watches her shows on the DVR, she hangs out with dad. She rarely gets upset, although I've seen it happen (over me being and adult and living at home . . .). The kids know what chores they have and they do them with little prodding.
My mom was different. First of all, we were all told that college was almost essential to a successfully life and that we would have to find our own way to pay for it. We were given chores, but we were never that good about doing them. Mom was not even tempered. She could go from being sweet and wonderful to being terrifying and unpredictable. Sometimes she picked fights with people because she was bored. She could hold a grudge for weeks and would often pull you out of bed to yell at you again about something that happened days ago. She was in and out of mental institutions and manipulated her medication so that it was a way to get high rather than a theraputic tool.
So here's the quandry. My brohters and I should have had to roguher start in life. We should be the group that doesn't have much ambition or drive to be self sufficient and self determining. But we aren't. All of us are far from spotless lambs, but we've all tried to be our own people on our own terms. None of us would be satisfied with living in this house, waiting to be called to dinner, with nothing but a keyboard and a bed to call our own.
So why is that. Why is it that the apparently better mother, who kept her kids out of trouble, (no drugs, teen pregnancies or running away for these kids) produced children who are crippled as adults? Why is it that the semi-abusive, certainly neglectful mother produced kids who are willing to go out and attempt adulthood?
No comments:
Post a Comment