If I could

I'd make it all better. I'd make it so loving fathers didn't miss their children's important moments and spend every moment wishing their child was there with them. I'd make it so that kids who never did a thing wrong in their lives wouldn't wonder why their daddys didn't like them.

I would make it so that no parent ever had to tell her kids that she can't afford the way they like to snack all the time.

I would change the world so that the people we loved, loved us too.

So that no kid knew what hunger, pain, sorrow, or want was in any real, profound way. So that all moms could and would be home to read books, make dinner, fold clothes and give tuck ins.

If I could, I would make it so that no little child was ever sick and so that no mother ever had to watch and worry and wait for what they morning brings.

But I can't do those things.

I can be home (most nights) with my kids. I can love the people I love and accept them on their own terms.

I can play music when I'm sad, put on silly movies when my mind is too full, and draw with my kids when nothing on the planet makes sense.

I can take care of myself so that I stay sane. I can prioritize my own sanity so that my kids have a sane parent so their lives can be sane, calm, predicatable, in a way mine never was.

My teacher friend blew me off two nights in a row, but I went out walking tonight and managed to job part of two separate laps. It hurt, but it also felt good. I'd like to be able to jog the whole mile or two without feeling like I was going to die.

My guy misses his son so bad you can see it in his face. I wish I knew how to make it better for both of them and I wonder if I caused either of my ex's this sort of pain.

I love teaching, but sometimes my students' stories break my heart.