Are They Tying to Start a Fight?

Gideon had his Safebase blue plate dinner tonight. Now I remember why I skipped out on the last one. Too many people, too big a crowd. That last ones were at least indoors so that the kids were reletively contained. This one was at the children's garden. They had that block of Sycamore blocked off, but Lincoln wasn't, and Lincoln is one of the busier streets in town. I knew there'd be no parking so Isaiah, Noah and I rode our bikes there. Gideon would ride home on Isaiah's pegs. I still can't decide if it was white trash or clever to avoid taking the car. Noah was so slow getting there. I almost crashed just because I can't roll at a standstill and hold balance. And he tends to just stop peddling or swerve into a street. Anyway, I was annoyed before we even got there. Then we are there, Isaiah has gone ahead and reports back that yes, its a mad house. Kids and parents and siblings milling all over the place. I find a metal hand rail next to the sidewalk across the street to tie our bikes up to. And Gideon spots me. He is so insane. He didn't tell his teacher or wait for me to come to him, he jumped the fence, ran through traffic, almost got hit by the east and west bound lanes, and runs to me. Like he's going to be taken away or I won't claim him or something. So now I am annoyed with Noah, annoyed at the disorganization of the event and scared over Gideon. We cross the street, at a cross walk, and find out that to line up for food, one much fill out a survey, there are no tables at which to survey, just a large group of adults crammed around a table filling in this survey. I wait a good five minutes before someone hands me a clip board and a pencil. I step away from the table (wow, concept, clear the area for more people) and begin to fill the thing in. Gideon and Noah spot some friends and a game of chase, run away, starts. I call the boys who belong to me back, there are just too many people and too much chaos around for me to be comfortable with them running off. And besides, as soon as I am done with the form we will stand in line for food. Noah comes back, still horsing around, but closer. Gideon resists, his big brother drags him to me. I tell him to stay, he kicks at Isaiah and hits at me. So I take him by the arm, march him to a curb and sit him down. He immdiately does what he does in that situation, pulls his knees up, puts his head down and circles his arms around. His way of closing himself off from input, from me. He tends to pout like this for five or ten minutes and then either move on or try to go back to what got him in trouble in the first place. With him finally close and Noah staying close, I finish the damn survey. (I hate rating things from one to four). And then something weird happens. A woman I don't know comes up to Gideon and asks him to give her a hug. He was in no mood and just turned so his back was towards her, I gave her a WTF look and she left. No explaination. Then her friend comes over. "Excuse me, can I talk to you in private?" "I'm with my kids, what can I do for you" "I want to talk in private" "what ever it is, say it or leave" "Well, I saw you grab that kid and it bothered me I was abused and noone said anything so now I am" "Okay, you don't know the whole situation and I'd like you to leave us alone." She didn't. And I was already stressed and pissed. And then I've handed in the form and am trying to get my guys moving to a table I have my hands on their heads, herding, guiding, them to a table I've spotted that's empty. And I can hear them behind me going on about how I have my hands on kids and it must make me feel good to be mean to little kids. And then I'm in her face inviting her to tell me her name and either call in an authority or shut the hell up. I insist they introduce themselves. I call them cowards to hound someone without at least that. My friend talks me into backing off, but my hands are shaking and I'm more angry that I've been since Shane threatened to kill me if I didn't shut up. That was two days before I left the house we shared with two suitcases, a baby and a pregnancy. The talk, you know, that loud, meant to be over heard talk, went on all through the meal. I ignored it. They found excuses to walk past our table. I ignored it. The kids picked at their food. I thought it was okay, the chicken was burnt and we don't like potato salad. When we were finished I let them play a while, but there was no bathroom there and they were way too interested in the manure pile attached to the garden. (It isn't an area set up like a park at all) So I gathered them up to go home. There was resistance, but not too much. Gideon and Noah liked the idea of racing home. Gideon and Isaiah won. Noah rode even more slowly on the way home. It will be a while before he's zipping around like his brothers. I hate that I got so mad and so in their face. But I ultimately wasn't wrong. You don't mess with someone else's kids and you don't pick and pick at someone who is out with their kids. I'm tired, and I'm stressed out and I'm fed up with these small town shit heads. I'm lonely and I'm scared and I'm tired of running. And mostly, I wish Gideon weren't so . . . Gideon sometimes.