My week got better after Tuesday. It helped not having sick kids, not getting calls at work to go get said kids, and not feeling like I didn't know what was going on because I had missed work. In other words, getting caught up helps with the stress level.
I got to present information in a class, as opposed to being the back up/muscle/official note-taker. It was fun, and since it was a science class, it was even more fun. All the classes I co-teach are science classes this year and I am honestly loving getting my nerd on. One of the science teachers is retiring at the end of the year. I am playing with the idea of putting in for the position.
Part of me wants it. I sit in his class and think about how I'd teach the material. Part of me worries about what changing, or even looking to change, positions would do to some of the relationships I've developed here. This was the first year in 8 that the entire special education staff stayed on. My work friend I go party with is a special education teacher, I would hate to loose her friendship.
Also, I believe in special education. I believe in what I do. I want to work with the kids who have babies, disabilities, can't get organized, or have so many issues they just can't focus on working.
And then there's the pay cut. I'd be loosing money. I know I can live on less. I also know that I am a terrible budgeter. Its not my main worry, besides a job is a job in this economy.
My eye is feeling better. I think it wasn't an intolerance of contacts at all and I am so glad I insisted on read treatment.
I had a long phone conversation with Jason today. I miss him. I don't know what we are to each other, and I get myself worked up when I spend time thinking about it. But I know I care about him, that I want to see good things happen for him in his life, and that I feel more at peace and more calm when he's in my life. I don't want to own him or control him. I'm not even entirely sure I want him. Its a weird situation.
We haven't met up in person in forever. The reasons are many but timing has been big, one or the other of us was sick, or had weekend plans, or was short of cash. It was nice to have a conversation with him. We talked about my birthday (I'll turn 30 on the fifth) and his is next month. We both want someone to pay off our bills as a present. I told him he didn't have to get me anything, but that I like smelly candles. We also talked about kids, church, god . . . I know him well enough that I can just talk to him and I don't worry about sounding weird.
My brothers are both off being idiots. Mike got arrested for theft, when they took him in he had parifinalia on him. Later he was found selling drugs in the jail. He's going to go away for a while. He also keeps trying to call me collect. I use a prepaid cell phone (I know, it screams looser, but its good service for a lot less than I'd pay any carrier), so I am not accepting a collect call.
And I am just tired of him. I am tired on him acting like a child and expecting others to just take care of him. Tom too,he's been running around with known drug users, I think he's also been stealing from our relatives.
They are both adult me. They both have children they don't support, and they both are huge wastes of space. They embarass me.
I want a nice family. Relatives I can get together and have barbeques with. Cousins for my kids to play with. And not have to worry about someone stealing, asking for money, or getting too drunk and beligerant with someone else.
The kids are with the ASSHAT. He either caved or someone told him that he had no basis for insisting I meet him at an alternative location. I kind of wonder if it all wasn't a ruse to get some time away from them. Anyway, he came and got them this morning, and I will pick them up tomorrow evening. I spent the day cleaning.
This house is huge and we are pigs. I used the carpet cleaner in the bathroom and the water was black. I'm going to institute a chore list next week. Every day we will all: gather laundry, shuffle and fold laundry, gather dishes and wash and put away dishes, pick up toys/electronics. The bathrooms will have things wiped down picked up. Bedding will not be hanging out on the floor.
It sounds ambitious. But it has to start happening. The way things are now, I have to wait for the kids to get out of the house to clean it. They should be participating in keeping their home clean. Not just as a matter of fairness, but because they need to learn how to do this so they don't grow into the unbearable slob that I am.
I hope all are having a nice weekend.
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