It seems like some things I never can get away from. I get away from blogging. Mostly because I get too tired to do it by the end of the day and I don't get as emotionally worked up as I used to when things were harder.
But some things still do it. Like infant adoption.
I was online reading Prudie's collum, bad of me. And there was a letter from a couple that had tried to adopt a child only to have the birth mother change her mind. They were angry that the mom had sent a one year update about the child. Prudie told them to more or less ignore communication if it was that painful and maybe she'd stop. Seemed a reasonable response. Then I scroll to the comments and OH. My. God.
Did you know that women who get pregnant are "stupid 16 year olds who spread their legs for anyone?"
Did you know that pointing out the many moral/ethical issues involved in infant adoption is tantamount to calling all adoptive parents evil and tearing apart the identities of adopted children?
Yeah, well, you know me by now, I can't let that just pass. But I like prudie and don't want to get banned from Slate, so I'm gonna rant here a bit.
1) There are lots of children in this nation who need homes now and are ready to be adopted. Unfortunately they are not healthy white infants. If they are under the age of three they have severe with a capotol "S" health issues. They are mostly minority teens and preteens who just want a home.
2) Adopting an infant is not about helping children or making the world a better place, it is about wanting a baby. Having a baby is also about wanting a baby, but having a baby does not involve large sums of money changing hands and the severing of someone's parental rights.
3)The act of using money and power to intimidate American or Forgein parents to give away their children is an unethical act. The act of using propoganda about poverty, religeon, education and opportunity to convince a woman to not parent a child she wants to parent is an unethical act.
4) The parents and Children in the adoption industry are mostly good people. Education on the moral and ethical issues surrounding the industry can and has convinced prospective adoptors to opt not to participate in the system.
5) The system can be fixed and should be fixed and every person who values human beings as special creatures that should not be bought, sold or commodified has a moral obligation to seek to fix the system.
6)Here are my suggestions for fixing the system.
a. Birth mothers and fathers should both have to sign off on any infant adoption before the process can start. This does not negate the typical 60 day waiting period, it just indicates that both parents are aware the process has started.
b. Monetary and non-monetary compensation, such as paying medical bills, providing housing, food and clothing, cars and tuition and good old fashioned spending money must stop. Giving away her baby should not make a mother richer, even if only for a few months.
c. Counsiling should include accurate education on topics such as daycare aid for low income workers, assistance in applying for federal financial aid for college and trade school students, how to find a daycare provider and networking with other young families and single families. The mother should know that if she wants to raise her child, she can do so.
d. Prospective adoptive parents should not be forced to provide large fees to placement agencies and family court lawyers. These people should not be making money off the process and the process should not be closed to low income families who want children.
The best way I can think of to meet the needs of step "D" is to have adoption of infants be part of the larger foster care system. This means that prospective parents would have the same training and background testing as foster parents and the social workers and state lawyers would just roll these cases into the work load, no large fees for successfully placing a child, just they normal salary.
This will probably never happen and doesn't even begin to address the problem of international infant adoption, which has its own ethical issues, but this is what is needed.
No one who wants to parent their child and is willing to do the work to parent their child should be talked into giving that child away.
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