It will be okay.

Just got out of the obligatory social worker meeting. I hate those, at least this case worker doesn't treat me like a moron. He's young though, give him a few years and he'll be as jaded and mean as the rest. I really wish I was wealthy enough to not have to deal with those people. Not happening anytime soon, methinks.

That said. Pogress is being made. And that is a thing I am proud of. I've been sitting in class all summer and a big thing with education people is at risk kids and identifying at risk kids so you can understand them. Now, as a person who has been poorer then dirt most of her life, and faleln into most of those little at risk pigeon holes at one time or another, I find this talk of relating to at risk youth to be suspect. At best most middle and upper class types (which sadly make up the vaste majority of teachers and social workers) can manage is a sad sort of sympathy that is abolutly unhelpful, usually you get disdain and the idea that being poor and what have you, makes you stupid.

The list is somethign like this
single parents
low income
low educational status of parents
drug use by parents
lots of moving
parents not home before or after school.
illness of a parent

When I was a kid, I fit into five of those. I was also in the "gifted program" so why does being at risk and low IQ seem to be the same to the supposed experts? I'm not going to claim that I was a brilliant example of success, but I refuse to let a bunch of scholars define my chances and abilities. TO define my sons' chances and abilities. I dunno, it just is weird to sit in a classroom with a bunch of peopls and be lectured about relating to at risk kids. Seems like I ought to be expemt from all that.

Teachers as a whole are a group I want to be part of, but part of me fears I will never REALLY fit in. I'll explain. We had an activity the other day. Design a tatto that represents you and explain it to the class. I designed a rubber ducky. I could have gone with a phoenix, but then I would have had to explain it and somethings I like to keep to myself. Anyway. As each person went around I noticed that the women in the room who already were teachers made a HUGE deal about how they would NEVER get a tatto. That tattos are for DIRTY LOW CLASS people. I'm thinking, great. I have two tattos already. And have a third in mind, money and time and getting with a decent artist having delayed the project.

Point is. I sometimes feel like it doesn't matter where I go or what I do. I will never fit in. NOt with my family or at church or proffesionally. I embody too many contradictions. I make people uncomfortable.


Added several hours later

I don't mention TV here very often. But Grace Darko is my hero. And she isn't even real.