I'm a bad blogger

I have interesting things I saw and want to report on, and brilliently insightful things I want to pontificate on. But then by the time I sit down at the computer I am so tired I can't run two words together in a way that makes any sense. 

Lets start with Friday. We had a huge, well organized system of thunderstorms roll through early in the moring. But not early enough. I had already left for work when it got bad. See, here in this part of the world, we're used to stormy weather. YOu just go about your bussiness. You put on tennis shoes instead of leather pumps or loafers, you don't bother with an umbrella because its too windy for them to be functional, you wear a rain jacket and run between the drops and go about your bussiness. Most of the time its an hour or less of thunder, some heavy rain, a little wind, and then done. 

Friday something rare happened. A huge wall of wind built up ahead of the system. It blew down trees, tossed silos around like aluminum cans, and blew apart barns. Roofs were knocked off houses and buildings, big rig trucks blown over, lines and transformers were down. The lightening in this storm was so intense that they sounded the sirens in Pittsburg, they didn't want peple out in it. A tornado warning was issued for the part of the county I was driving throuhg, while I was driving throuhg it. 

And Isaiah was home alone. I called him when the warnings came over the radio and told him to stay in the house. When the tornado warning happend I called him again and told him to get into the bathtub with the phone. I waited and listened to the radio, which wasn't working well in the lightening, until it sounded like things were clearing in Pittsburg. Then I called Isaiah and told him it was safer and to carefully walk to school. 

I ended up riding with the storm east to joplin. I'd pull in front of it a bit and ride with hell behind me and in relative peace, then get slowed up and an intersection and have it blast me again. The smoker's fins around my car's windows were blown off and I narrowly avoided driving under crackling power lines. 

The power in most of jopin was out until yestrday. We had power at work and hustled students into the basement as they arrived. Only about half chanced the storm to get to school. We had a half day so it wouldn't need to be made up and then dismissed at eleven. By Friday evening, it was hot, muggy and sunny. The only evidence of the terrible storm being the damaged trees and buildings. 

So, that was friday. A bit traumatic. Me feeling like the worst mother on the planet as I called Isaiah's school to see if he made it. 

I find out if Carthage or Riverton want to hire me this week. I interview with Joplin East middle tomorrow. One the one hand, I know that qualified science teachers are in short supply, on the other hand, I also know one other scince teacher who is looking, and he has a bachelor degree (lower pay grade) instead of a master's like me. I'm not the most experienced. 

Riverton would work out perfectly for my family. But perfect doesn't happen much in my life. Carthage, is a beautiful new school, but its either a very long commute or a move to another town, school district, baby sitter and all the rest. Isaiah is troubled enough without another big uproot. 

Joplin would be workable, but there again, I'm just trying not to get my hopes up. I'm afraid I'll end up heartbroken and dejected. I don't handle life altering dissappointment well. 

On that note, I've had my eyes open for a rental house here in town. The three bedrooms here run more then I feel I can afford on what I currently make, I've been looking in that range, rather then in the "What I think I will be making" range. I found a nice two bedroom in the more affordable range. Its in a quiet residential neighborhood. It had two bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen with room for a table, dining nook and separate laundry room in the house. I figure the boys can either all share a room or Isaiah can have his room in the laundry room. 

The best part of this house, a BIG, SHADY, FENCED back yard! And a garage with room for two cars (if the cars are anorexic). I've talked to the owner. There was talk of an "application" not sure what that means. My credit is beyond sucky. Again, it would be a great home for us for a while I save up some money for a down payment for a house and just get shit together more. So tired of feeling like I am not good enough for the kind of life I want for myself and my kids. 

I pay my bills (now). I take care of my kids with out pawning them off on others, and without child support from their fathers. I work an honest job and I want paid a fair salary. I don't think that a house, with a yard and a porch on a quiet street is too much to ask in life. 

But at the end of the day, I'm the worst kind of single mom. I had too young. I've been on welfare and (worst of all) I refuse to accept the crappy apartments and the life chase worthless men that society tells us that I should be stuck with. 

I guess I'm done feeling sorry for myself. Sorry to be so bummed.