updates

Despite my feelings of rejection by church culture, I still feel drawn to church. ITs complicated, but I guess the simplist explaination is that I adore the faith and the promise of it, but I dislike the way many many people carry it out. I must not be the only one who feels this way, because the speaker today talked about legalism. About how people have made rules to help them live good lives based on scriptures. But that these rules have become the salvation for them, rather then tools and guidlines along the way to leading a christian life.

Christianity is about accpecting that jesus is the son of god. That we are all creations of god. That we are all sinners, and that jesus was the sacrifice to make us worthy of heaven.

The rest is just dogma and argumentativness. I accept that whole heartedly. I reject though, the idea that many christians have, that people who've lived less then perfect lives must forever be less then those who never stumbled. Part of being christian is knowing that there is no such thing as perfect and that everyone has problems and things they struggle with. The fact that one person's struggle may be easy to hide and the fact that my children are so odvious doesn't make me any more or less a sinner than anyone else.

It also means that avoiding any place or activity that may, possible, be associated with poor behavior, just because its associated with that behavior is not a godly desicion. It isn't a sin to enjoy a little captain and coke. The sin is in making the center of one's life the next time I get a captain and coke.

So anyway, I was out with my friend Cheryl the other night. She confuses me. She really does. But I try very hard to not critsize friends. Anyway, she was there with a guy who I guess she isn't crazy about. That guy has a friend who was super drunk when they showed up and trying to paw anyone near by. (cute though) and then there was this other friend of cheryl's there who is a bit of an attention hog and two friends of hers. The two friends were guys, brothers. One of whom had been pressed into designated driver detail, and had insisted his brother come along and keep him company.

So here I am. I am a mellow person, even when out. One of my friends is being completely dominated and occupied with thie guy, and the other girl was doing her best to torment and keep the attention of two others. I got tired of sitting in the middle of it and moved to the outside of the group, mostly because I was tired of being talked over by miss "loook at me look at me". The brother of the dd was there. To me he looked too young for me, but at least he wasn't drunk and wanting to grope and paw or being verbally tomented. turns out he isn't young, just babyfaced. Also turns out he's smart and we spent the whole evening pondering the tableu of those we were with, making fun of the glam rockers coming and going from the interior of the bar and basically being smart asses together. Phone numbers were obtained.

The next day we texted back and forth until three am. Turns out he has a girlfriend (figures), but I would rather be friends with a cool person then nothing at all, so that's the course I took. Texted him yesterday, and he and the girlfriend are fighting all day, something on going that they cen't seem to work out.

So the question is, how terrible a person am I to be like (YEAH) at the news they are having trouble?