Long weekend, and completely unproductive

So. Had Monday off. One would think with Saturday and Sunday and Monday off, I would have something accomplished. Alas, I didn't. I would blame the kids, but they are actually very good kids. I would blame my brothers, but they actually stayed out of my hair. I can't even blame C, the guy I met Saturday.

I DID meet him for a quick bite on Sunday, chatted some more, but didn't take more than an hour. Gideon was sick yesterday evening and all day today, and I did spend a grand total of five hours split between the clinic, and the pharmacy waiting for meds. But REALLY, I've had busier weekends where more grading, planning and homework got accomplished.

I have a pile and a half to grade. I have a presentation to get ready by tomorrow evening, I am three weeks behind and growing on my internet class, and I am absolutely clueless about what I need to be doing for my special ed technology class. All this should terrify me and make me stay up all hours catching up. But I don't. I actually am only up now because Mike is on his way over and I don't want to be in my PJs when he shows up.

I think I'm burnt out. I I think that I have spent the past two years pushing and pushing just to make it through and I am exhausted. I think that I spent the two years before that just trying to survive with my sanity intact and I am sick and tired of living in survival mode.

But I can't afford to flunk this semester, financial aid tends to dry up after one flunks a semester of graduate school. Likewise, I may work at a joke of a high school, I can't check out entirely because I think they would eventually fire me if I did.

I need something. I need a break that lasts longer than a few days or a few hours. I need to permanently halve what I am committed to do on a regular basis. The only way for this to happen is for me to GET ANOTHER DAMN JOB, one that pays me the $35K to $47K that public school teachers with my degree and experience levels are paid. If I made what I was worth I would happily drop (for now at least) and take one of the "ands" off the list of things I deal with.

In the mean time, C is nice, wanted to come watch a movie tonight, but I told him Gideon was sick. Plus I think one weekend is a little too soon to come meet my kiddos. Aside from being someone to hang out with and talk with, not sure theres much spark there.

ARG! Should be doing something else at the moment.