In a Weird Place

Is the only way I can explain it.

On the one hand, I miss having my brother here to be another grownup to talk to about things, but on the other, his absence has lead to much more peace in the house that I feel bad for letting him stay around as long as I did.

Mike is finishing his time in rehab and trying to get into a reentry program, he got rejected from the one he had all picked out, but there are others he could apply to. Beds are hard to find, and part of me wonders if his wanting to go into a year long program has anything to do with the fact that he has no job, no home, and no one willing to let him stay with them.

It seems like my whole house hold has gotten sick in the past week after a really healthy winter. Noah was crying and in pain all last night, kept me up until one in the morning. So I called in for today so I could take him to the doctor. And then this morning he's all happy and playful all day. The doctor did put him on antibiotics and gave me a decongestant for him and some eardrops.

Isaiah's been having nosebleeds too. For the past month he's had them, maybe three or four a day some days, none others. I've tried having him use saline spray, but he's still having them, so he went too. The doc put him on antibiotics and saline nasal spray. I hope the combination works. Because its a little disconcerting watching him saturate a rag with his own blood.

He also happens to be failing at school. At home and with people he tends to be charming, helpful and fun. At school he doesn't bring his work with him, forgets homework and supplies, and tends to stare off into space or just not do much. I don't know what to do. I try to make him study at home, but he forgets his books. I check the school's website and try to keep track of what he has coming up, but sometimes the assignments aren't clear or current.

I feel like such a bad mom. I'm a teacher who works with special needs kids, and my own son is flunking the sixth grade. But what more can I do? I can't spend all evening sitting next to him at the table while my younger children run wild and no one fixes dinner, cleans the kitchen or does laundry. Plus, I kinda don't want to spend my evenings at home trying to make him work, when I spend all day trying to make kids work.

I think that may be the worst part.

Also, my jeep is posted on craig's list. I've had one email of interest which asked for pictures. I sent them and haven't gotten a reply.