I took my little dudes to the park this evening because I was stir crazy and their brother was out with friends. The air was dry and cool but not cold, and the light was golden, and the wind made the trees talk all.
Weather like this, cool and just a little breezy, with golden evenings that last for ever, reminds me of my mom for some reason. I have this image of her, after she was sick. She would sit at the kitchen table in an old folding chair and make rosaries. She'd have all the doors and windows in the house open. The air coming in through them would be golden and warm, but then the sun would finally set and the air would cool until it became a tangible chill on everything.
Any way, the point is that weather like this takes me back to childhood. I tried to get my boys to lay down on the grass and look up at the sky and watch the trees blow in the wind and listen to the leaves talk as the wind blew.
But my boys are not as weird as I am. They wanted to try out the new equipment, to do the swings and slides and merri-go-rounds, and tetter totters, and sand pits. They will try a toy, spin till they are dizzy or slide until they can't stand, and then run to the next toy at a frantic pace, like someone was going to turn off the park.
When we had gone from one end of the park to the other and had run out of park, we climbed the dike that protects the park from the river flood plain. On the other side we hike through a "forrest" and found a field of corn that had been harvested. Then we had to find our way home, according to Gideon this would be tricky because the merri-go-round had made a wormhole that took us to another dimension planet.
Luckily we got out of that mess all together in one piece.
Isaiah is spending the night at a friend's house. I have a feeling they will be staying out and up much later than I tend to think is wise and that they will sleep in past noon.
I had wanted to see Jason this weekend, but he's got other things going on. I think the biggest of those things is that he misses his son terribly and tends to get depressed and self destructive when he can't see him. He doesn't tend to like to be around me when he's like that.
I can't explain it. He sounds unhealthy and like a dead end when I put these things down, but I know him to be a good and honorable man and I think he's worth waiting for. Besides, its not like I have a whole lot of amazing suitors lined up to take his place at the moment.
And even if I did, I probably wouldn't notice them. Right now I have my focus on one man.
I wish I had a neat and tidy way to wrap this up. But I don't. I miss my mom, the weather is nice, I played with my little dudes, I wish I could spend more time with my guy.
It wasn't a bad day.
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