Happy Birthday

According to Yahoo, which is never ever wrong, today is the most common birthdate in the country. Yay me! lots of people share my birthday.

Thirty so far has been a lot like 29 was. I over slept because I didn't go to bed early enough the night before, the result being that I didn't shower, threw my hair into a pony tail, and ran out the door to work. I did find a neat trick to get out on time. But it was totally an accident and I don't think I can reproduce the results.

Noah likes to play with my watch and must have reset the time, because I put it on, did my hair, glanced down and saw that it was 7:40! Boy we got out the door fast! It wasn't actually that late. Of course, the band on that watch broke this evening so I doubt I'll even be wearing it again for a while. Bummer too, I liked that watch.

Work was Okay. Sat in on an eighth grade transition meeting. It ran longer than I thought it would and I ended up kinda missing a class period I should have been co-teaching. I won't lie, I kinda enjoyed the little timeout.

Isaiah's IEP meeting was today. He's more mature than last year and only failing two classes. Both because he finds the daily work tedious and boring and won't do it. He aces the tests. His IEP provider asked me about signing him out of services. I declined. I think she just doesn't want to deal with him. His issues aren't intellectual, but they are still a disability.

Facebook is nice on your birthday. I might change it in my profile to get a little boost from all the little greetings you get. To be honest, I don't wish every person who is my friend happy birthday on their birthday. The ones I know well and interact with regularly I do. The rest, not so much.

There are so many things I want in my life that I thought I would have by now. Internally I still feel like a 16 year old who's managed to convince the adults she's older than she is. Any minute someone is going to look through the facade and ask me what it is I think I'm doing here.

I thought I would have a nice home. In reality, I have a crappy rental home I don't like. The only reason I am not actively looking for another place is that 1) I hate moving and am not on good terms with enough buff people to help move me and 2) I'v already paid the pet deposites here and doubt I would find another place that lets me have them or that I would get the deposites here back.

I toy with the idea of unilaterally fixing things. Like I could buy those peel and stick linoleum and install them in the kitchen and utility rooms rather painlessly. But, that's me spending my own resources to fix up someone else's property. That doesn't make much sense.

I'm still a mess. i have papers scattered across two desks. I use automated reminders to keep track of things at work. Where was I supposed to learn how to put together a pretty home? I missed that somewhere.

To be honest, when I was very young, I never thought I would be a homemaker. My ideas of what I would do when I grew up were along the lines of peacecorps worker in distant land, joining the Navy as a medic, or buying an RV and just setting up where ever sounded fun and moving on when things got boring.

If I had the money, I might still do that. Toss all this crap I've accumulated and live simple, clean and streamlined. Camp on all the coasts, visit all the major landmarks. I'd homeschool my kids on a beach. They'd pick apples in Michigan and dig clams in New England.

I think I am a bohemian living in a conventional life. I'm like an oval puzzle piece trying to fit in a round hole. Its not that I don't fit at all, its that its a little tight in some places.

I sound miserable, but I'm not. I'm just aware that my choices have led me to a place very different from where I thought I was going. And then life happened and I stopped thinking about where I was going and just focused on getting through the next big crisis.

Is it possible to live in crisis survival mode for so long that you'r experience of reality is fundamentally different from the rest of society?

Anyway. Its another birthday. I'm broke, I had to pay a few emergency bills and ended up shorter than I wanted to. But I also bought a month worth of groceries at a time. We'll be ok. Payday will come. Life will move along.

And I'll be here.