I am a miserable human being

I know it sounds bad, but there's really no other way to put it.

I'm stressed and the stress is making me miserable.

I'm stressed about work, I love my job, I enjoy the kids, and feel like what I do is important. But it has a lot of emotional and time demands. I don't mind, I'm well paid for them. But then you start adding things.

Like, I'm stressed about money. I am making more than I ever have in my life, more than I realistically ever thought about making. And I'm freaking broke. I get paid (2440) I pay rent (800), utilities (300) put gas in the cars (40-80 a week depending on the week), buy some groceries, and then hope it all lasts the rest of the month because there isn't any more coming in. I make menus and talk with Tom about keeping the themostat set low and eating simple, cheap meals (tuna cassarole, french toast, soup and grilled cheese ect) and he acts like he agrees, then leaves the TV on all night and sometimes all day, the lights on all day and wants to make the hugely complex meals and purchase cake mixes and a bunch of extra crap every time I go to the store.

I'm stressed about the holidays. I feel like its going to be very difficult if not impossible to buy anything for christmas. How can I when I literally spend two weeks a month hoping we don't run out of food? I make forty fucking grand a year, how are we starving?

I'm stressed about my son. He's fucking up at school. He gets assigned to stay after to finish homework, then doesn't go. HE then gets saturday school. He is constantly late to classes, so he gets saturday school. He brags to the other kids that him mom is a teacher and tries to hold that over them, and ends up on the loosing end of a confrontation he can't handle.

I'm stressed about school, my own education. I am two classes away from being finished and neither of them is offered next semester. This means it will be at least a full year before I can finish, if not longer. I want to be done with driving to pitt twice a week, that would open up a lot of cash. And while I'll have a semester off, I may well be stuck driving out daily this summer.

I'm stressed about my life. I feel like no matter what I do or where I go or how hard I work, I'm never ahead. I'm always broke. I'm always alone. Like there is something repellant and alien about me that keeps others away.

My brothers are both driving me nuts, I'm stuck with Tom, who while being a help, also adds to my food, utility and entertainment bills. I've got Mike who is now homeless and still using what ever he can get ahold of who wants me to put him up, drive all over Kansas to pick him up and take him where he wants to go, and just accept that his theft is the cost of doing business.

I get home from work and I would like to play with my kids, I would like to do something, but its like all this stress makes noises too loud, small things irritate me to an unreasonable degree and I am a miserable human being to have around. I should be like this, life shouldn't be like this.

What the hell have I been working for all this time if this is what I get?