Oh, Brother

I where art thou.

Thour art in my house, even though I told thou I didn't want you to be.

Thou art drinking my milk and pop and eating my food and complaining about the heat and bickering with my boys. Thou hast rearranged my upstairs so that thou can have a bedroom to thyself.

Thou tends to "barrow" my or Isaiah's cell phones and then hold on to them all day or all evening. Thou hast even had the nerve to program contact info for your looser friends and slutty ex's into my son's phone.

Thou art annoying me and making me wish you'd go away.

Oh, but wait.

What I want in my life is a distant second to the things others want from me. I want a calm home to myself and my family. I get a brother who is homeless and jobless and all antsy from being off the alcohol, pot, meth, oxycontin, heroin, and pcp he was used to using to not feel anything.

I want a boyfriend who is fun and sweet and into me. I have a friend who isn't boy and isn't boyfriend because I live so far away and , well, just and. There's too much to recap the whole thing.

I want a job that pays me well and is enjoyable, instead the longer I do this, the more I feel that this isn't for me. I don't get to TEACH. I get to handle paper work (which I HATE) and beg teachers to give kids a chance to get their grades up and bug kids into doing their work. I feel like its been most of a school year and the rug is still being shifted around under my feet.

I wanted to move to this small town for a nurturing environment for my kids to grow up in, instead I'm out in teh boon docks. The dark ages persist here. No one yong or educated aside from other teachers to seek out and socialize with. And there is no back up or support for a single mom without a bunch of local relatives in town.

And now I'm basically questioning my past year. The time I've spent studying special education on top of the general education training. The mindset that told me to uproot my kids from our adopted home town, our friends, our familiar places and faces, and move here. And yes, its a little more than an hour to drive back and visit. But damn, even the walmart here sucks.

So Alley, is anything in your life good right now?

Well, Jason is great. It isn't serious and I honestly don't know if it ever will be, but I enjoy him so much I don't care right now. I smile when I see his name on my caller ID and when I see him, I have a great time and when its time for me to go home, I spend most of my free time thinking about when we can see eachother again. Around him I am not the usual single mom/teacher stick in the mud. Its like he teaches me how to loosen up and have fun and enjoy people.

I used some of my leftover income tax refund to buy an X-Box Kinect system. That is SO MUCH FUN. And some of the active games give you quite the work out. At least this slightly pudgy mom felt her heart rate go up and her leg muscles burn a bit.

My niece is coming to visit this weekend. I tried to get all my friends with kids the age of my little guys to come, but all that can are her. I'll take it.

I'm supposed to pick her up Saturday and take her back Sunday. If I time things right, I'll spend the night with Jason Friday too.

I have found about 4 jobs I could apply for that would let me move back to Pitt gainfully employed. I guess I can put in applications to those places and see what happens. They are all for Science Teaching positions, what I want to go back to.