Ahh

so, toms' been out since Friday evening. His place doesn't have water yet, I don't want to think about where they are going to the bathroom, and he blew his grocery money on a few fast food meals, but he seems to be as releaved as I am about it.

He did come over this evening for dinner and to shower. Mike was pissed because earlier I didn't want to drive him around first thing this morning getting his stuff from his ex. But he couldn't be bothered to ask nicely if I would do it while Tom was hanging at my house, so I let him stew. He likes to manipulate peole into doing what he wants instead of just asking and being nice about it. I don't like mind games, so i pretend I don't have a clue about what he's up to. I did send home some left overs, a few bottles (big two liters) of water, some movies. Basically, just trying to help them keep things livable until they get another pay check and can get things like pots, pans, cups, plate, running water, furniture.

I'm glad they are into their own place, and I want it to work, but I am also so glad that I am sittinn up late at night, in my living room, and not having to keep a laser eye on my laptop, wallet, cell phone, and loose change.

I also reconnected with a friend from my high school days tonight. She's been living less then half a mile from me for a while. We've had a lot of parrallels since then. Both single moms with dead beats for ex's. Both struggled to finished education and to find the right fit as far as jobs go.

She said that I was stronger then her. To recap, mom died, I ended up taking care of my brothers. dad, and tom's girlfriend and kid. I worked several jobs, finished school, ended up in a stupid marriage which I left with exactly two bags and two kids and a bun in the oven. Lived on dad's couch for six months. Lived in HUD housing for another year and a half, came here, got the job at McAuley, did the master's program. Started another.

Is that strong? Or is that doing what I needed and what I could with what was in front of me? TO me strong would be being able to get out and loose this weight I carry around. TO me being strong would be being able to not care about uprooting us again and go for high paying teaching jobs. Strong would be being able to keep to a budget, not pick up carry out food, oder pizza when I'm tired, buy crap at walmart that isn't on the damn list. Those little ten twenty dollar splurges here and there absolutely break me. Literally. Wouldn't a stronger person be able to resist that stuff?