Like a pill

To say that I have a lot on my plate at the moment is a stupendous understatement. I have enough on my plate for three people at least. I have the plate of a teacher and department head, I have the plate of a graduate student, and I have the plate of a single mom to three boys. Any of which by themselves is a lot. Together, its almost nightmarish. And yet I singed up for it. Maybe I am just getting older, I've been this busy busy busy, go go go almost all my adult life. Certainly since I went back to school after Isaiah was born. WOrking, school, baby. Working, college, kids. working, more babies, working grad school kids.

There are times when I am almost dizzy with trying to keep straight what I need to do, when I need to do it, and how it all fits together. I find myself talking fast, and walking fast, and doing tasks so fast that its like I'm this physical cyclone with my mind trying to play catch-up.

Its also exhausting. And to that end I have in the past year graduate from the occasional coke, to slamming down coke zeros all day, to slurping up cups of overly doctored hot coffee, to drinking it cold so I can get it down faster, to taking "diet pills high in caffene to make tht actual partaking of liquids moot.

The diet pills are a recent thing. ITs actually a product you can get in any walmart, I'm also taking a women's multi-vitamin and a B12 pill. I know the caffene in the pills has an effect because I feel it kick in, there's a tightening in my sinuses and slight headache at first, but oh the boost!, and I feel it wear off. TIRED! like a wall, hits me.

I know that TIRED was always there, but the caffene was hiding it from me. And I know, in a purely philosophical sense, that this probably isn't all that healthy for me. I'm guessing a good rule of thumb would be that if you can't find time to eat, rest and need pills to have enough stamina to get through the day, then what you are up to isn't working.

BUt in the short term, its helping me transition from summer laziness to school business without feeling like I need to be a couch surfing zombie all night. In the short term, its working.

But part of me, the part that is fully aware that all the addictics I am related to started out with what they were doing working to help them cope with life, wonders how healthy this can be. And if in a year I've graduated from casual soda sipper to caffene pill popper, what am I risking in the long term?