Last week he emailed me and explained that life had gotten in his way and he had lost my address and phone number. But that he was living in Parsons again and had birthday money to send Isaiah. He wanted to know is he could come see the boys.
I sat on it for a while because I wanted to make a decision based on what common sense and my head told me, not my gut and heart said. I asked Isaiah some probing questions about what he would want to do if his dad wanted to see him, making sure he didn't suspect that the guy was actually sniffing around again. Isaiah says he cries at night sometimes because he wishes he had a dad. He says he also knows that as a dad, his sucks. But he loves him anyway. I have a very smart, good boy.
So I emailed shane back and told him that Isaiah would like to see him, but that there would be rules. I made it clear that children are not pets or property that can be put aside when life gets hard. I made it clear that this would be the last time he was allowed to drop off the face of the earth and go months with no contact and then show up wanting to see the kids. I also set some explicit rules. 1) he has to come here, see the boys here in town, and do it at a time that is convinient for us. 2) he has to be up front about when he's coming, how long he will be with them, and where they will be. Not showing up, not keeping them as long as promised, and not being reachable and where he said they would be are all grounds for me ending the visits. 3) He is not allowed to lie, tell tall tails or exaggerate in any way to Isaiah. 4) he is not allowed to curse me out in writing or verbally, to insult my home, or to denegrate the values and life style we keep. He is not allowed to threaten me with police calls, or with court cases. He is not allowed to speak or act towards me in an abusive or threatening manner.
I emailed the list to him this morning, haven't gotten a reply. That may be all the reply I need, or it just means that he's using internet at the library or somewhere else that isn't open on sunday.
I know it seems like I am being a bit of a hardass with the actual rules. But he is doing this all the time. And I think it is more disruptive for him to drop in and back out than it is for him to just be out of their lives.
At this point, I am not all that emotionally engaged, except that I hurt when my kiddos hurt.
TO other happenings. I bought a bedroom set with an actual dresser, bed, and side table. I'm so excited. They wont be able to deliver until tomorrow evening though. And as we wont be home then, I had Isaiah help me move the furniture around today. Isaiah's bed broke a couple of weeks ago and he's been sleeping on the mattress on the floor. I bought a queen sized set, so I gave him the full I had been using. Gideon got the newer twin sized mattress that Isaiah has been sleeping on, and the old, smelly, twin was taken to the dumpster.
That leaves me without a bed for the night. I will either sleep on my very sleepable couch, or crawl in with Isaiah for tonight.
If I seem overly excited about having a dresser, it is only because I haven't had one since before I left shane. I'm just thrilled to have enough storage space for all my clothing to be folded and put away at the same time. NOt that that is terribly likely to happen. Much.
So, that's my weekend. Heavy lifting all day, heavy thinking all weekend. And now I am wired and its bedtime but I can't think of sleeping right now.
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