So, hmm

well, its been interesting around here. Got my new furniture last night. It was WONDERFUL to sleep on a new, never been abused mattress of a thickness that I picked. The new bed is tall, it comes up to the top of my hips, and I'm five two. So its a climb for the little guys, but they managed to make it into bed with me anyway.

Haven't recieved a reply from the asshat yet. I guess he didn't like me telling him what was what. Did get a couple of birthday cards from him and his parents for Isaiah. They contained a total of 90 dollars. Isaiah is planning how he's going to spend his bounty. I', trying to steer him towards either saving it for christmas shopping or to fixing up his bike. He is planning on buying lots of transformers figures. Its hard to argue with him since he hasn't seen or heard from his dad for so long and the grandparents even longer.

Been causing bloggy trouble too. A bloggy friend of mine has been writing about some ways she would like to see child support collection and enforcement improved. It turned into a long winder debate about constitutional rights.

Here's my bottom line on the issue. Kids ought to be supported by both parents. And they ought to be supported at a meaningful level. That means if the custodial parent makes less than poverty level while the other parent makes hundreds of thousands a year, than the child support ought to be high enough that the kid isn't forced to live in low income housing projects.

My other bottom line is this. YOu can't count on anyone or anything. A windfall in the form of child support or spousal support is great, but you can't plan your life around it. Because laws change, incomes change, court orders change. So, we single moms have a responsibility to find a way to maintain ourselves.

That may mean living in more modest homes than one did when they were married or when they were kids. That may mean taking advantage of preschool and daycare options for kids from single parent and at risk homes. I hate the term at risk, but if it gives you an edge, take it.

That may mean going back to school for career training and juggling raising kids with work and school. I do it, and believe me, if I, scatter brain that I am, can do it, anyone can.

I know some people may not like me saying this. But as women and mothers and providers, we cannot be complacent and sit back and trust a broken system that relies largely on adversarial courts and people to cooperate with orders to work fairly or efficiently. We are the mothers. We are raising the next generation of men. We must be responsible for ourselves.

Do we fight for our kids? Yes we do, but do we allow a situation to develop where we are dependent on the ex who is NOT helping to raise a child? No, no we should not if at all possible.

What changes do I think need to be made to the system? I think that the kids going with the mother should not be the default choice. I think that at least fifteen percent of a person's income per child ought to go towards support, in the form of medical insurance, school fees, dental and medical bills, and support. I think that it is right to ask recipients to show how the money is spent. Kid better have clean, well fitting clothes, a safe home in a safe area, and access to necesities. But the custodial parent should not have to live in poverty to justify support either.

I think that all support should be run through a national database that is state updated and run by a third party. I think that pursuing support across state lines shouldn't be as hard as it is.

And I think that support recipients ought not to be vilified.