Escapism

God, I hate these times.

When it feels like nothing is breaking my way.

So, what's exactly the issue?

Lets start with my house.

ITs full of people who aren't me and my kids. Somehow I've ended up with my brothers and my cousin staying here too. Mike moved in a month ago when Tom got so irrational about calling him names, kicking him out and trying to attack him that it just wouldn't work anymore with them being roomates. Mike was supposed to have two weeks. Instead he's been here a month with no sign of moving on.

Its really hard to take pride in your home and enjoy it when some smelly, sweaty, worked all day dude wants to sleep in the livingroom.

Then there's cousin Nick, who burned his parents, got busted fro drug use and possible intent to distribute, and convinced his mom that he would be better off staying with Tom. So she dropped him off last week.

But Tom, who's been acting weird, paranoid, irratic and irrational moved out of his apartment last Monday, and into my garage! The exact story as to why this was necessary still escapes me. I know there were some shady people hanging around his place.

So that's three men who are not my spouse, sleeping, eating, bathing, and doing laundry on my premises. Can you say FML?

Oh, and then there's the money situation. I still owe PSU housing almost $500. I thought I had a deal worked out with them, but I'm beginning to think they changed their mind about it. If they still have a hold on my records when summer school starts I wont be able to take my classes or get any financial aid to pay for them.

Because I moved they canceled my food stamps andI have to reapply. Because of my own scatterbrain issues, I didn't realize this until yesterday, two days before the magic food money card is supposed to reload. I am so screwed!

The kids and I are loving going to the pool, but a family season pass is $120, or its 11 a trip to get us all in. Once again its municipalities screwing poor people.

I feel trapped, depressed, and over whelmed. And not having a concrete task to get up and do every day is not good for me either. What do other people who have so much time on their hands do? I'm sure their houses are cleaner. I could take up exercising.

And then there's the fact that despite being over run, I am so lonely. If I try to talk to Mike, he changes the subject, Tom blames all his problems on other people, but he owes me serious money and has excuse after excuse about why he can't pay me back. Nick's just trying really hard to find a job and not use anymore.

My instinct it to escape into something. Movies, books, "fun", but that wont help and its healthy.

I did have a job interview yesterday! It was in a town 70 some miles away, so I'd have to find a way to move my family. I think it went alright. I've learned not to read too much into these things because its not just up to me and the people who did the interviewing. ITs also up to school boards and committees and such.

But it would be more income, which is good. A job in a real school, not a school pretending to be a school. And life in a smaller town.