All those things, I pretty much have in hand. Okay, don't pick the best guys, I can deal, distance, perspective. Dad remarried and has his own life, he's an adult, I'm an adult, nothing can change the horror show that was my childhood, but its ok because we're all moving forward.
My brothers are both still failing to launch, leaving me to clean up their messes or let them drown, but that's alright, their my brothers and I move them.
But then this past Friday my autmatically deposited paycheck didn't post to my account. I took several deep breaths and reminded myself that the fifteenth falls on sunday and to wait and it will be there monday.
Except is wasn't. McAuley wants their keys back. The keys they give out to everyone and their brother and don't even know how many copies there are or who has duplicates? Yeah, they want those back before they pay me. I talked the old (smarmy asshole) boss into releasing the funds if I had my brother, Tom, drive the keys over (115 miles) today. He agreed, allegedly the funds were released, but it will still take days before they hit my account (RENT, FOOD, UTILITIES! all over due).
And then, and this is icing on a really fucking twisted cake, my car breaks down on the way there. The keys never got delivered, my brother and my two baby boys spend the afternoon on the by pass in fort scoot kansas. Some nice soul picked them up and took them to a dentist office (don't ask, I'm not sure), I finally got ahold of my aunt who went to fort scott to meet them (I will never again complain of crazy co-dependent relatives who have to be in my business), she's gonna help rent a car dolly and tow the tiny blue fucker back to Iola.
Its a complicated scheme that has my little boys in a car all evening and Tom stranded in Parsons by the time its done.
You know, my responsible adult for when I'm working?
He's not sure when he'll get back to Iola (its like 70 miles) and I need him to babysit thursday, but hey, everyone thinks its gonna ll be ok.
The car places in town all recomend one guy to look at it, but he's not answering the phone and I couldn't pay him anyway (I have 7 dollars to my name).
I can swing walking to work and having Tom walk Gideon to kindergarden, but the grocery store is like three miles away. There is no corner store that carries milk and groceries here.
I spent the day stuck in planning and development meetings at work, I had to sit calmly while speakers talked about I don't know what, but I was biting back a panic attack the whole time. Forcing myself the breath slowly and writing don't panic don't panic, over and over because if I didn't I was going to explode.
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
what did I do to piss off the fucking universe? I'm a good person, nice to small children, pets and old people, I pay my bills, mostly on time, I try to be a good mom and citizen.
But I can't get past that whole "looser without a fucking car" thing can I?
School's about to start, have I got school supplies, backpack, clothes for the boys? Nope was waiting for that damn check.
I have a dog and two cats that would really like to eat, but I don't have enough money to buy a bag of food for them.
I have some food stamps, but no running car to go pick up groceries.
I have a live in babysitter who's going to be stuck in parsons.
I FUCKING HATE ALL OF THIS. THIS IS NOT HOW MY LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO GO.
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