Jason, you know the guy I was gonna dump? Well in a fit of desperation I begged for a ride to Pittsburg tomorrow and he'd agreed. It was going to be a long complicated day, but I was going to be able to get to class and get my money from pitt and things were going to be ok.
Well, no his car is broken, and peggy is busy, and opal has to take her autistic son to the doctors, and no one else cares enough about me and my life and my goals and my kids and my situation to get me a fucking ride.
One time, that's all I need, is to get up there by four thirty. To visit my instructors and explain that my car is broken but being fixed and please don't penalize me or drop me from the class for something I can't help.
But no one else thinks its important.
I am fore ever paying the price for the collasal cosmic practical joke that is my fucked up life. It is. its all a joke at my own expense.
Super genious born into addicted to dysfunction family has potential to pull her self out but gets pregnant at seventeen thereby dooming herself to a lifetime of false pity and the critique of all her kin.
I made my bed twelve years ago, no matter what happens to me, its all my fault and no one will help me because "I have to lie in it"
So fucking tired of the whole thing right now. Tired of the heat and the damn bright sun and my kids and my job and my friends and my family. I'm just fucking tired of it all because not one person is even willing to admit that this is important to me and my future.
They're just awful sorry.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I'm tired of sorry, tired of it will all work out. Nothing just works out. It takes work and guts and occasionally the kindness of others. But it never just works out.
It certainly isn't going to this time.
And no one even cares.
Because I'm a bad girl. I was a bad little girl and a bad teenager and now I'm a fucked up mom who lets her only mode of transportation break down leaving herself stranded at the worst possible moment.
I'm tired of peace and thankfulness and giving it up to god. I just want a fucking ride! That's all I want. But no one cares.
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