The return of responsibility

Well, my summer's already over. I just didn't realize it before today. See, I have "new teacher acadamy" all this week and next Monday. Tuesday off, Wednesday I have a Coop-wide meet, greet and learn meeting, Thursday I go to IEP training with the Iola employees, and Friday I and the other new teachers in the district meet with the principal. No more free time. The following week is just as full and then school starts.

I went and picked up keys for my room this evening after my all day meeting. Its small, isolated at the end of a hallway, and have only two computers in it. Its been put away all summer so its a little stale, but to tell the truth, I like it. It feels safe and cozy. I wonder how it will feel once I have students in it.

I won't spend all day in my room, the district practices team teaching, so I will spend at least half my time or more in another classroom with a gen ed teacher. I hope I manage to get along with them all and manage to not let them turn me into another para, with happens sometimes with co-teaching.

I need to think, should have been thinking, about decorating my room, setting up procedures, and all the rest. I hate that part of it. The rules, being the enforcer. That part of my personality just isn't all that developed.

I'm tired, got up early, showered and got going much earlier today than I had been. But it felt good and I realize now just how much extra time I'll have without the long commute morning and night. Tom's going to be a nanny for a while. He's going to see about taking some classes at teh Ju-co and I need the extra help, at least for now while I still have a pre-school aged child and am working in my degree.

It hit me today that I'm the responsible one in the room now. I'm the profesonal. I don't often feel like a proffessional, usually I feel like a kid who snuck into the grownup's lounge and hasn't been discovered to be kicked out yet.

But I do know Sped law. I do know how to go about planning classes and curricula for students. The knowledge, juxtoposed with the person I spent the past few months seeing just highlights how wrong he was/is for me.

But if he's so wrong, why do I miss him? And why do I feel like I'm not likely to catch better, certainly not around here. I have a free profile on match, and profiles on plenty of fish and okcupid. I run searches on all three, and there just aren't handsome, (as in have all their teeth and not meth-head skinny or way obese), articulate (although literate is probably the better term since its all in writing), educated men in this area. Hell, there aren't employed men in this area. How does a whole society exist when there are not intelligent, employed, presentable people to be found?

I love my job, but damn, if I ever want to not be a stereotypical techer-spinster, I may HAVE to move. Or settle for someone who doesn't hit all the filters. Even so, J still probably is a bad idea. the guy drinks way more than I thought he did, and he pawned his computer, I don't know why that ticks me off (well I do, but its not my place to be ticked at what he does with his stuff) but its a bright shiney read flag as far as I am concerned. So, back to the dating pool. I hate the search and get too attached if I manage to catch anything.