Viewing things through a prism of my own experience

I've become a commenter on a particular blog that rhymes with sminglmommyhood.com. I can't help it, they've asked things on there that were rather pertinent to me. And some of what I've said hasn't been all that popular.

I apparently have some beliefs and values that are controversial.

Unpopular thought number one: That children in homes where they live with a stepfather or mom's boyfriend are more likely to be the victims of child abuse. This may be physical abuse such as beatings, or sexual abuse.

My thoughts on this are backed by national statistics, and by my own experience. I was raped at the age of seven by my stepfather. To this day I have no idea what my mom saw in that man. He wasn't wealthy, attractive, fun, or kind. I don't remember a long dating process leading up to their marriage. It seems to me that one day she came home an announced that she was moving this guy in and marrying him.

I know that in many ways my own experience is not typical of women, mothers, or even victims of physical abuse. But my experience tells me to be very cautious of who comes around my kids, who has access to them, and at what point I relinquish parenting duties to another. I think most single mothers who date are far too reckless about who they allow to access their kids.

Unpopular belief two: That lack of education is not a valid excuse for spending a lifetime in poverty. Apparently this is insensitive to the varied experiences of other single mothers who may not have had the advantages I've had.

So let me make this very very clear. I was 16 when I was pregnant. I had no resources of my own. I had to fight for the right to go back to high school after my son was born and most teachers, relatives, and all the Ex's family felt that I should have dropped out, gotten a GED and gotten a job in a local factory.

I worked 30 and 40 hours a week while going to high school and then college. I bought all my own cars. I sometimes worked three jobs while in college and lived in scary subsidized housing areas that had meth dealers upstairs and twice had my door kicked in by a police department with bad information.

I am part of a population that this country tends to write off. The unwed teen mother. Less than 2% of us go on to get college degrees. Most of us, even if we do work, will be on some sort of welfare for an extended amount of time. Our kids will grow up in poverty and suffer a lack of access to quality schools, housing and healthcare. We will work low wage, subsistence jobs.

To these statistics, I say bullshit. Education is the key in this country to a way out of poverty. If lack of education is holding you back, then get educated. No matter how lonely and hard and long it takes, getting an education and gaining a real skill, weather it be teaching, nursing, engeneering, human resources, plumbing, . . . whatever it is you pick, a high skill area will pay more than a six week course on how to be a nurse aide. Go for it, get it, spend a few years working your ass off. And then reap the rewards.

rewards like being able to provide a home in a safe area for your kids. Like a job with humane hours and a pay rate that isn't a pittance. Like security and a better start for your kids.

Anyway. I know I am not normal. I know that. But I am also not that abnormal. If I could do this, so can others.