A new reality

Reality a few weeks ago was a happy, if untraditional, family unit. There was me, the mom and bread winner. There were the kids who were always into or upto something. There was the eccentric uncle, Tom, who was a back up to the mom and a stable male role model for the boys.

Fast forward a bit

And now reality is of a family that feels like its in crisis mode. I haven't really slept in days. Tom moved his crap out and hasn't been heard from since. My little dudes are all of a sudden mad as a pair of march hares. It sounds funny until you try to take them to Walmart.

I found daycare willing to wait until the 15th of next month to get paid. But there's a hiccup. Gideon. On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, he goes to a program called SEKA, which is like an after school program for nutty kids. Like Gideon. It lasts until 5:30 and they bring him home.

Except on Fridays. Then there's no SEKA.

And I am incredibly screwed. I have no spouce or parent or grandparent or old friend who can pick Gideon up from school those days.

I HAD a brother who did it. But he's more interested in punishing me for not just giving him anything and everything he wanted than he is in meeting the commitments he made to me and the boys when he decided he wanted to be around for a long time.

And there's another failure. I just gave them another lousy male to look up to and internalize. TO them, men leave. Men show up, make everything revolve around them, and then when they get bored, they leave.

And now everything is out of center, off kilter and otherwise fucked up.

Oh, and my other brother, Mike, called today. He got his ass fired. He wants me to come get him and let him stay with me for "a few weeks". I told him no for a multitude of reasons. And I feel like a complete shit.

Maybe that's my reality.