Thought provoking weekend

I had yet another busy weekend. Friday I rushed home from work, grabbed my kids and and prepacked overnight bags, and headed to Parsons. I dropped the kids with their dad, who had tried to get out of keeping them this weekend on account of the quarter inch of snow on the ground and that he might have to work.

Then went out to my aunt's house. Opal was set to bury her dad the next day and had spent a week dealing with funereal and estate related messes all week with no help from her brother and her mom pushing her to just sign everything over to the bank and let it all go.

So we went out, drank sad strawberry margaritas and then to the house where her dad's relatives were gathering, and drinking quite heavily. We laughed, we cried, we told each other how much he was laughing at us. And he was. Or is.

According to Opal, he's up in heaven right now with my mom and they are trying to get a party started with all the other former potheads we knew when we were little kids.

Because when we were kids, out parents were into drugs. They grew, they used, they sold, they had parties. They also drank and played cards and loud music while we kids played in the back room with play dough or barbies or cabbage patch kids.

Then half the adults did this "recovery" thing and it all stopped. Not just the drugs, but the get to gethers and the feeling of being part of a group that was like family.

I miss that feeling. I think she does too.

Her aunt owns a large house in Parsons and is planning on moving to another state in a few months, she already has purchased a house there. She told Opal that if she had a room mate, she'd rent her the house. We are kind of talking about being room mates. It would be two single moms with three kids each under one large roof.

On the one hand, we know each other and get along well even when stressed. We both have similar views on parenting and discipline of kids. The kids are similar ages. She'd be ok with getting kids rounded up while I was commuting.

On the other hand, its a huge commute, right at an hour. And I make way more than she does, so I'd probably end up paying for a lot of things. Her kids have issues, one is diabetic, two have ceiliac and the youngest is autistic. Do I want to live in the middle of all that?

But I am beginning to feel like this particular small town where I have no roots is going to shut me out instead of let me in. I have friends and family in Parsons.

But damn, the commute.

I dunno. I want my own space, but living all alone with only the walls and the kids is well, lonely. I am beginning to think that I will never find a love or a husband. So why not be room mates with someone I have known since the womb and love like a sister?

Of course, knowing my luck, she'd find someone and marry or move in with him. I mean, Tom is getting married, Mike, my drug addict brother and Nick, my drug addict cousin both have girlfriends, and the guy I was seeing all summer is even engaged. It seems like any one who's come in contact with me is ready to get married.

And here I am, all alone.

Its sad and discouraging.