Been a while

I haven't posted for a few days, seems like ages to me. I guess I have busy and tired. Looking at soem of the blogs I read, I think that must be a global phenomenon.

Lets see. I bought a few books the other day, and I have been so happy reading them. It sounds weird. I used to be one of those people who always had their nose in a book. But having kids and jobs and school has taken that away from me. I am thinking that it is healthy to maybe read a little bit. To go other places, just for a little while. Its nice.

I also bought a nice purse and wallet. I know, I know, completely frivolous. Serves no purpose. But I have to carry a purse. Cell phone, cash, cards, id, camera, emergency diapers, travel wipes. It needs a purse, and I was tired of carrying one from walmart that looked like a child's purse. It was denim and too smal for what I needed. I tried another cheapy, but the thing was uglym seruously, I was embarrassed to be seen with it. Its bad when you are embarassed to be seen with your own purse. So I ordered a nice one.

And its REALLY nice. ITs reall leather, not fake cheap plether. It has poskets and compartments that let me organize what I carry so that it isn't all just floating around in there. The phone rang and I didn't have to dig until it went to voicemail to find it.

I must be terribly shallow.

Work is okay. I think I wil be glad when school lets out. I mean, I will worry about two months worth of a paycheck, but the boys I work with and the routin of the school day.
"wait up kevin"
"pull your pants up casey"
" time for a snack, eat your snack"
" Take you shot"
"eat, you need to eat".
"Wake up Casey"
"cpme out of the bathroom casey"
"pull your pants up"
"don't sleep in school"

All day, every day. Its exhausting. I come home and I'm drained. I've been cheerfull and patient and on my feet all day and then I need to take care of MY kids.

I sound terrible, don't I.

I called pitt about getting a teaching masters. I am still not sure if that is the way I should go, or how I would manage it. I might end up moving to pittsburg and working as a sub there while I got the degree. It would get me away from the prying eyes around here. I hate moving though. Isaiah is doing so well in this school system. He is a special needs kids and the staff here all are on board with what he needs. (He likes predictability, he likes to have clear rules and he lcan be emotional when thigns don't go the way he thinks they should). The also have a really excellent pre-school here. IT is a year round head start pre-school that is unique in the state. They have the kids so civilized and gideon coudl go in in the fall, it would really help him with his issues.

And there is the fact that while it isn't a great job, it is a job that isn't likely to go away. That is a lot of reasons to be hesitant to up and move. On the other hand. Pittsburg (and yes, thats how its spelled) is a much bigger town. I probably wouldn't have the trouble finding daycare for the two young ones that I have had here. The grocery store is just down the street, instead of around the corner. The population is younger (what with the university in town), more liberal and more educated. In other words, I would be closer to having a peer group, where as here, I am an oddity.

A sinlge mother thrice over who doesn't chase men around and isn't interested in trapping the guys from the local yocal factory. (Yes, there are girls here like that, they call them neodehos). I work a job that traditionally goes to women with minimal education, but I have a BS and am woring on a master's. I am so alone here, even when I felt I could trust the people from church, I didn't feel like I had that support.

But working all day and then evening classes? I am pretty sure I could find babysitters. It is a college town after all. Offer sixty extra bucks a week to sit in someone elses living room, eat their food and play with cute kids. But will the kids survive? Will I traumatize them even more then I already have?

I just don't know anymore what the best thing to do is. I knew that motherhood was challenging, I never knew it would paralyze me.