Went to church today. Sat in the pew with the "friend" who repeatedly called srs over me. I was nice, I made conversation. I made sure my son knew not to tell anyone anything about what happened at home, even though nothing has happend at home.
I ended up having to drive all the way up to bronson to get the kids from their dad. It is about a two hour drive, one way. He had a crisis of some sort come up with his girlfriend's job and couldn'e meet me like he had agreed. Isaiah told me that she was at home the whole time. Anyway, I get there and its getting on to evening and he has had the kids sitting up at this filling station that his uncle owns all day. No naps, no coats, not even socks on the feet. And no milk, just juice in the bottle all day. And they call me a bad mother.
Shane tried to give me a bunch of crap about various things, which I didn't let him. "Give me a call when you feel like seeign your kids again" was the last thing I said to him and then closed the car door and drove back home. Two hours into the sunset. At least kansas is a pretty landscape to drive through.
What a way to waste a tank of gas. I can think of a few things we all would have enjoyed better I think. Gideon was happy to see his brothers back. And I think they were happy to see him too. Which as the mom of all of them, makes me happy and relieved.
I have been talking to this guy I "met" online for the past week or two. He seems like he is a nice person and has all his shit together. But its hard to tell from polite "how are you, what's up" I'm fine, you" type phone calls. Its just another area in my life where I feel like I have toe dit myself. Which in this case actually makes sense. When you come with as much baggage as I do, you can't hit new people with it all at once. Maybe not all ever, but that is no way to live.
My house is a mess again. I spent all friday on my feet at that stupid special olympics event (Cold, flooded, muddy and no where to get the kids out of the weather or to sit amongst other problems). Saturday and today, I am paying for it. The feet, they say they've done their quota for a few days.
Anyway, feeling like something in this life of mine needs to change. I don't know if its my church or my friends or the way I handle dating (or NOT dating). But things feel off, not right. Skewed.
I am thinking about hiring a teenager to babysit, but I have no idea how to tell who to hire. How old? HOw much to pay her. Maybe two kids, seeing how much a handfull these three can be. I don't know. About anything.
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