Bleh

That about sums it up. house is cleaner, which seems to help my state of mind. Went and paid the rent, always a bit reassured on an almost sub-conscience level when I do that. I wonder if its the same with a mortgage?

Isaiah had a metldown tonight. When school let out there were some thunder storms movign through the area. I didn't think it was wise for him to be out playing in that so when he asked if he could go to his friend's house, I said no, and told him why.

He argued, he begged. He pleaded he yelled, he worked up loud hysterical sobbing and demanded I call his grampa for him. In the end, I was exhausted, he was exhausted, the weather cleared, and he is grounded. I hate evenings like this. I know its normal, but man, I still hate it.

Noah is officially the good kid. and that is only becuase he lacks that ability to talj back or to be terribley disobedient. Lets face it, babies that age are just cute, and funny and very pleasant to be around.

Gideon is Gideon. He is stiff-willed and stubborn and seems to enjoy it, in a lot of ways, I'm glad he's like that. Its the kids that are followers that I really worry about. Isaiah is a follower.

I wish I hadn't made such horrible choices for fathers for my children. I wish that I knew how to find a good man to be a strong, positive influence in their lives. But I don't have whatever "it" is that those types like. I'm short a frumpy and fat. I tend to be quite and look inward and come off as either spacey or as sad, which may not be too far from the truth.

This class I am taking is driving me nuts. Teh instructor takes over a week to grade papers, and hasn't entered grades for two of them yet, which makes me very scared that I may end up failing. I have never failed a class before. To fail an online class would be just embarassing.