Moral Failings

I have them, big time.

(also, there seems to be a ratio between the amount of free time I have and the amount of blogging I do - good thing I do this for free)

I tend to be one of those low income earners you hear so much about. Basically, the government has been handing me money at tax time my whole life. Some years my "refund" has been more than my income.

I have never cheated on my taxes.

But this year I was tempted.

I use an online tax prep program. If you enter different numbers, you can see how what you owe or have coming changes.

An honest entry of data results in about a $5,000 dollar refund. If I cut my income in half, that amount jumps to $11,000.

Not kidding.

I was tempted. Me, the person who hates people who live like victims, who work the system dishonestly, who prizes her independence and honesty.

A few pushes on the key board, and there it is. A little research says that EITC fraud is rampant, and not always caught. I probably could have gotten away with it. Or I could have claimed to have filled out the forms late at night, which I did, and suffer from a bit of dyslexia, which I do, and gotten away with paying a monthly fine until I had it all paid off.

I was tempted enough that I researched how to get away with it.

That scares me. Lately I have felt untethered from myself. Maybe longer than lately.

I used to be a person of focus. Of drive, dedication and principle. Or at least I thought of myself that way. I did my own thing, happily so.

Now . . . I feel different. I question where I live, the choices I've made, the values I've held.

I feel like I time of choice making is coming. A cross-roads is ahead. If I were a person who believed in prophesy, I would be afraid, or looking for signs.

I am not a person who believes in those things. I believe is what is real and solid and in front of me. So I do not know what to make of the fact that I find myself planning to defraud the government.

Tax filing season isn't open yet, but the company will hold the information and forward it in a few days. The reason I went ahead and paid now, is so that its done and I can't decide to go after that extra $6K.