Its that skittery feeling on the inside of the skull

That stressed out feeling I get when I get blindsided with something. 

So, we all know that the state pays for most of my daycare, I have a portion I have to pay and they have a portion they pay. They pay most of it. I pay about $100 a month for what would be close to six fiftey if I didn't have thier help. Well, I go in, pay what they say I ought, and the amount is way too low. She calculates that I would owe her over four hundred dollars! 

Okay, this was unfore seen, completely. So, I rush over the SRS office, its almost five at this point. And of course the people there are all getting ready to go and the worker who figured up the care plan doesn't work there anymore. So, the office supervisor takes half an hour to find the current worker (who doesn't know a thing about it) and they look at the case. Turns out that 1) they calculated for fewer hours then I spend working and 2) they don't pay any fees that would cover a slot while I am on vacation and the kids wouldn't Need to go to daycare because I wouldn't be working. 

But here's the rub. The daycare lady still wants the full month paid. She has bills each month that do not change, so she wants that money paid. But while I am not working the state doesn't pay its share. So I have to come up with five hundred dollars for the daycare lady. 

And hence that panicy skittery scratching feeling inside my skull. My brain goes directly to the worse case scenario. She kicks the kids out for my failure to pay her. Then I loose my job and get kicked out of the apartment and we end up homeless and hungry.

I know this isn't likely to happen. I know I can probably bargan her down. Maybe pay her and extra hundred dollars for the next few months. I also know that I have been good with the money the past few months and could probably survive it if I I had to pay it all this month. But I was saving that money, you know. 

I was hoping to up grade some of our stuff, like the broken down recliner that is mostly an uncomfortable coat catcher. And our TV is pathetic, too small and a speaker is broken so the sound is rough. But the newer ones are so expensize that I need to actually save money to accompish it. 

I hate this feeling. Feeling like my fate and my life is at the mercy of someone else, who is a pencil pusher who has no interest in the stability of my family of my own sanity. 

Oh I hope we get this figured out.