On another note, we had another meeting for gideon getting into that preschool this evening after I got back to town. It was, you know, three little boys in an empty daycare, after a long day at school or daycare. They weren't bad, but they weren't great either. I always feel so flustered when ever I have them anywhere. They always want to play with what they shouldn't. gideon wants to take things home that arent his. Noah has a sneaky way of getting into things he shouldn't without being seen, and Isaiah is incredibly skilled at making his brothers cry while not seeming to overtly do anythign. He also likes to say little things that will either hurt or embarasse me. Like "my mom was only 17 when she had me. or "she doesn't have any friends here, she just sits home alone all the time." niice. just what I need, a ten year old calling me a looser.
Well, gideon will start as soon as I can get some final bits of paperwork faxed to the preschool. And Isaiah will start an after school program for "at risk" youth next month. GOD I hate that term. AT RISK. might as well paint "The family is poor, dumb and disinterested" allover us.
Of course, I hate all those social worker questions anyway. "do you have any family around?" "please give an emergency number" Did I ask my dad to move across the country? No. Why should I be made to feel like a bad person for not having a bunch of extraneous connections locally? Am I to blame that my brothers are in an extended childhood and not reliable? I Should I sit around being ashamed because I am not that social? I'm busy okay? I work. I go to class. I take care of three little kids. Most days I can't tell if I am coming or going. I am stressed about the situation at work and I am worried about my kids. SO forgive me for not being interested in keeping track of what a bunch of other random people are up to.
I'm tired. I'm just tired.
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