Today was day one of parent teacher conferences. I sat up at that school for four hours. Not one parent came to talk to me about their child. I have a case-load of 18. That's 18 students with special needs that require the services of a special education teacher. And none came.
It was also quite possible one of the most boring work related evenings of my life. I think maybe working as a telemarketer was worse, but not by much.
I have to spend seven hours up there on Thursday. I am not looking forward to it.
I get home and Tom, my brother-roommate-nanny has made dinner, cookies, bathed my sons, and is snuggled in watching TV. I go and get a plate and notice something weird about the cookies. I investigate. He's made them with instant breakfast oatmeal packets. This ticks me off. And I possibly over reacted, being tired, hungry and a little frustrated with work - more on that later.
Here's the thing. It isn't the fact he made cookies when they weren't on the menu. It isn't the cost of the oatmeal. It isn't that the cookies (with the maple cinnamon flavored oatmeal) tasted awful.
Its the fact that when things are purpose bought (like oatmeal for breakfast) in a household with limited resources (which while they are better than they were, they still are limited) they should be used for that purpose. Yes, the kids liked the cookies. Yes, it was a nice thing to do. But that's five breackfasts of oatmeal that won't be there now. Its the use of what's here now, versus living simply and knowing we will have it later.
Tom always uses everything now and then shruggs when he doesn't have later. I've seen him get paid, eat steak with all the trimmings three days in a row, and then starve for two weeks waiting to get paid again. I am not exaggerating, its all instant gratification with him. And if something he wants can't be had in a relatively short period of time, he gets very fatalistic about it and feels as though its impossible to obtain or attain. Its hard to feel like I can work with him when he's like that.
Back to my job. I like what I do. Its challenging, it takes patience and a willingness to both stick absolutely to your guns and be completely flexible at the same time. I feel like I work with a group of kids who don't have enough people cheering for them and pushing them to do great. But as a co-teacher, a lot of what I do all day looks like being a para.
I miss getting to say "today you will learn how a periodic table is arranged" then giving a lesson, then walking them through some practice, then watching kids who've mastered a goal leave my room. I don't get to do that very often anymore. I liked it. I miss it.
I'm going to try to work with the teachers I co teach with and try to get them to let me present a lesson at least once a week. I'm not sure it will happen, and certainly not soon, but I'm in a position to practice being patient. Might as well start now.
As to Tom, and and rest. It may be my own anxiety causing me to fret about the missuse of a little instant oatmeal. But I still feel like its indicative of a pattern of behavior of his that I tend to worry about. What to do about that, is always another issue altogether.
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