Damnit, I was good

I was. I went to the damn teacher meeting and didn't completely go off on those overly smug women who had gotten together and decided that it wasn't and IEP, just a conference. I was calm in the face of a room full of people who refused to agree to email any really important information to me, even though I haven't been getting the really important information that I was supposed to have been getting. 

I also didn't get my way, which was emailed when there is something I need to know. They are going to stick with the planner that shuttles between school and home. They totally denied that it is rediculous that the emails they do send are all incredibly negative in that they only detail the bad behavior in Isaiah. I guess they don't see how it can affect the family when that is all a person hears about the child from the school.

They also went into great detail about how poor his social skills are, how he is in eveyone's bussiness but his own, and how he can't seem to finish anything. Okay, I get it, he's an ADD kid. They went into great detail about how much better he is on the meds. 

The problem with treating ADD with meds and cramming in the school while the meds are in effect is that first of all, the meds loose effectiveness. The kids' brains adjust to them and the meds that used to slow them down and let them focus don't do anything anymore.  My brother did the meds thing, from the time he was a little bitty kid until he was in high school. It was ritalin twice a day at first. In middle school they added a mood stabilizer. In high school they added an anti psychotic and a sleeping pill so he could sleep. 

Shortly after that, our dad started using the ritalin to stay up on his overnight shifts and my brother was selling the other pills for twenty dollars a pill. He used the money to buy pot, junk food, and cigarrets. 

My brother, is now essentially homeless. he crashes with a friend of his and works at taco bell. He has two children he doesn't see, and doesn't care to see. He blames every problem he ever had on our mom and on not having gotten a fair shake in life. And these people think giving my son pills will make him better. I really don't believe it. 

He is starting an after school program called challenger. It is supposed to help with getting the homework done and making good choices and conflict resolution. I sure as hell hope it works. Because as smart (and the kid is smart) and as articulate (the kid will talk your ear off) as he is, I don't see him being successful. And it hurts. I'm a mom, and I'm a teacher and I loved school, it was the only fun and great thing in my life as a little kid. And he's missing it. 

In other dysfunctional news, Gideon starts the Discovery Center thursday. They will pick him up from Cathy's and drop him off after lunch. He will be there three mornings a week. They will try to work him in to five days a week as spaces open up. 

I also am working on getting both little guys enrolled into a center that offers early head start services, as well as spaces for bigger kids like Gideon. The discovery center transports, but early head start doesn't. But they expect parents to hang out in the classrooms for fifteen to twenty minutes everymorning and every evening. I don't see gideon handling it well if we go in, hang out for a while and then leave his baby brother there. Or, handling it well if he gets dropped off first and has to watch his little brother leave with mom every morning. So, I am trying to use all these "resources" to get the kids into a different daycare. 

I have a few reasons for the change, one being that Cathy really offers a living room and a TV for the kids. At first she was up and around every day and the kids were always out side when I went to get them. Lately, she's been in her bathrobe when i dropped them off, at 6:30-6:45 (not unreasonable) and when I picked them up, at almost five. They haven't been going outside, even when its been very nice out. The second reason is that I think her daughter, granddaughters and son in law have moved in with them. I can only think that the family is living in what should be the play room, limiting what was already not the hugest play area to begin with. 

So, the kids have been on waiting lists for these other daycares since last summer. Recently noah came up as being able to move into one, but not gideon. I asked why it took so long, and apparently we aren't crazy enough to qualify for a spot high on the list. A family member in jail, or kids in foster care rate higher then a single working mom doing her best to keep shit together and finish school. 

God i am so tired of the guilt. When does it stop.