Exhaustion beyond measure

I'm not sure if that's a real over statement. I couldn't sleep last night. Felt like I spent the whole night either coaxing noah back to sleep, tossing and turning, fetching sippy cups for little boys, or fighting my own stuffy nose. I stayed up too late and morning came far too early. 

But I got up, got dressed. Bought a donut and coffee to get myself going. Taught all day, was observed by my student teacher type boss. (the very last time in my formal teaching education). Got throuhg the conference afterward, which was a bit traumatic (more later). Got through the drive home, and then absolutely collapsed. I mean it. Its like all the energy and life drained out of me and all I could do was sit in the living room and try not to sleep through the evening. 

Dinner was Pizza. 

I put in movies to entertain. 

Bath time was rushed and not all that fun.

(Its later now) 

The lady that does my supervision used to be the principal where I teach. She also knows that I am looking for another job. I told her about the salary freeze. She was concerned I guess about me changing positions. I think also it was a matter of her being a bit attached to the school still and wanting to keep me there. I explained to her that the only way the district could balance their budget to submitt it to the diosese was to cancel any and all increases in pay. I think it stinks and that a school system can't survive if they won't pay well enough to keep qualified and decent teachers. 

She suggested I try to find a nice wealthy catholic family that would lease me a house in Joplin for very little to nothing. I'm not sure I would take that offer if it did materialize. I don't want to be handed a place to live, i don't want to be getting food stamps and state daycare assistance. I just want to practise my profession and pay my own way in the world. 

What if the nice Catholic family decided they wanted to sell that house? what if they didn't like the way I graded a project? What if my rotten kids dug too many holes in the backyard or made too big a mess in the house and the people were in there in my business all the time, I get claustraphobic just thinking about it. 

Anyway, the guilt wasn't something I needed. I do have very valid reasons for needing to move on. I also have a very valid desire to stay and do things differently, get better at what I do. But rent and groceries, in the same month, take presedence. 

I've applied to 11 jobs around the state. I'm exhausted.