I had my first child while a seventeen year old high school drop out. She was a corporate man's stay at home. I get $170 a month, when asshat feels like it. She has been getting spouse and child support in amounts high enough to buy a home. I don't have anyone who will take the kids off my hands for even a few hours on a regular basis, her ex wants half time custody.
Granted, the men involved are all immature, egotistical, manipulative assholes, but the worlds we move in are very different. I got a good dose of just how different when I left what I thought was an innocuous comment on her blog, I simply suggested the if the asshole involved was going to not help pay for preschool, maybe she should look into headstart or another program that gives preference to children of low income and single parents.
Well, I got a bunch of venome in return. I guess she thought I was saying he shouldn't have to pay. That wasn't the point. The point was that he will do what he will do and there isn't a whole lot to be done about it. That istead of spending emotional energy and money on getting him to do what she wants him to do, find a way to not need the bastard's help.
Well, I know that children have a right to be supported by their fathers. But I don't agree with throwing money at lawyers who should have already settled everything, support, custody, visitation, medical and educational costs and issues. When the situation is such that people are calling lawyers everytime something comes up, then something is wrong. I don't know what, but I know that when I was seventeen and the father of my oldest was nineteen, we with the help of legal aid lawyers, we were able to come to an agreement about all that stuff. And in kansas you can't take the other party back to court for three years.
I'm not saying that the orders were always followed, I pretty much had to cover it, or get it covered, myself. But I learned pretty fast that being mad and threatening to bring lawyers in on it only pleased lawyers.
But I guess it must be a class thing. Maybe I would feel differently if the dad involved were well off instead of a looser who can't even rent an apartment in his own name. I do know that there isn't anything wrong with making do with what I personally, with out needing money from outside what I can earn myself.
3 comments:
I too have been reading her blog. I think what you got was misplaced anger. She's ticked at her poor choices? in men. You my dear are very resourceful and get things done without much expectations from others. You've realized that if you want something done you get on with it. That is why I think the world of you, you're realistic, no bull kinda gal. Most of these bloggers really live a charmed life. I can relate better to those of us who are/were in the trenches slogging through it. I'm so happy for you getting your Master's, it means freedom, freedom to live where you want, to go as far as you want. My Nephew got his Doctorate in Education. Can do whatever he wants, thought he wanted to be a Principal, but in the end what he enjoys most is teaching handicapped children, in small town Ontario. Congratulations again, and I know your Mom would have been real proud of you. Sorry this is so long.
we've all made poor choices in men. And I think you give me more credit then I diverse.
I'm making a list of positions I want to apply to. I'm hoping the boss man is willing to give me a recommendation without a lot of drama.
Just catching up here. And thanks. From my perspective it wasn't "mispalced anger" but a miscommunication. Sorry you felt it was "venom". It wasn't. My response to your comment was meant to be tounge in cheek.
Our situations are very different as you pointed out, however there is much you don't know.
As far as "taking the father back to court everytime there's a change" that's simply not true. In the case of childcare or preschool, we are talking hundreds of dollars every month which was not accounted for in the original support agreeement. The guy CAN pay and has the resources to do so. Should it cost me to get him to do what he should? No. Does it? Yes, but I believe it's better than the alternative of him not paying at all and jumping through differnt hoops to get my daughter what she needs. It's all relative. But like I said, she will go one way or another. Getting her father to contribute is the first step and there are other options as you pointed out.
Are we good?
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