Look what I have

Why do these always look so bad? The really ironic thing is that the first day I went up there, my hair was nice a fluffy and I have a little makeup on. The next day, it was pony-tale and go.

I have figured out one of the reasons that everythign sucks here lately. Its the six year anaversary since mom died. Greif is funny, it hides and blindsides you and makes you think that what you are feeling is about somethign else. when it isn't.

I miss my mom. I know its babyish to say, but its true. As messed up and difficult as she was, I miss her and I could really use her here right now. I feel like in the years since I lost her, I've also lost true north.

I went from being a middle america college student, albeit with a kid already and planning on medical school, to being a single mom of three. I bought a trailer house, lost it to repossesion. I got married and divorced. I moved al over the country and I settled in the middle of nowhere. I went from being feisty and funny to being worried and sad all the time.

I'm sure there are other things that will occur to me after I post this, but the point is that in the five years right after she died life went to hell, the past year has been spent trying to get it back. And I'v done a lot in that respect. I have accomplished a lot of things that seem simple and ordinary, but were actually very hard and important.

I think that in the next year I want to try to get back to who I am. Get back to havign some goals for the future.