Ahh, pop culture love

Its a neat story, boy meets girl, girl and boy are famous pop starts, boy beats up girl, girl cancels appearances, boy gets criminally charged, boy a girl get back together at the urging of their handlers and fellow stars. 

Okay, so we know that I tend to avoid blogging about populas culture and entertainment stuff. For the most part I find it all to be shallow and vapid. I will admitt that I look at the slidshows of the gowns and such after an event, who doesn't like to look at a little glamour. But aside from scanning the headlines, I leve it alone. 

But this case grabbed my attention. The two involved are 19 and 21. They are both successful recorders. they have huge followings. And he supposedly beat her up a few weeks ago. I was honestly hopeing this would open up a dialoug in our culture about healthy relationships and domstic violence. In my classroom it began and ended with "I can't believe he beat her up, she's so pretty and rich" I guess if the woman in question is ugly or poor then its tottaly understandable to hit her when she isn't doing what you want her to. 

And then the whole thing went away, there were octuplets and such to worry about. Then I see another headline, they're back together. That just pisses me off. I know the woman isn't in the entertaining bussiness to be a spokesperson for women, but first she hides out and doesn't come clean with what exactly happened to her and won't be seen for the bruises on her face, and then she quietly gets back together with him?

What is this young people who are fans of these two? That its okay to hit the person you are supposed to love, as long as you say how sorry you are you embarassed them later? That being distant and making the person apologise will make it all okay when you get back with them? 

Let me be clear, I am just as against women hitting men as I am men hitting women. Just because men tend to be bigger and stronger then women is no excuse for a woman to hit in anger, or in play as far as I am concerned. The fact that men are bigger and stronger does make them more of a danger to women, but both parties need to just not hit, pinch, punch, slap, throw and threaten. 

I also think that people who are having trouble with anger and controlling their reactions need to not be in relationships. It isn't that they are bad (although some of that goes on too) its that they aren't ready to be in that sort of situation. 

I'm dissappointed in the two pop stars. I think that this was a great opportunity for the R and B music world to get behind an issue that is all too common amoungest poorer, urban relationships. IT was a chance for there to be a conversation in public about what abuse is, what causes it, how to avoid it, and if an abuser can be redeemed. Instead, its just silence and secrets, the same things that give rise to all sorts of relational ugliness.